In the past, exiting a museum or attraction was a straightforward process, but today, nearly every venue funnels visitors through a gift shop. If you manage to avoid the gift shop entirely, you’ll likely find yourself just inches away from it. After all, a memento is essential to remember your visit to the Museum of Historical Events That Happened in 1865.
While many parents harbor a general disdain for gift shops, those with preschoolers experience an intensified frustration, as young children often:
- Desire everything they see, constantly.
- Lack any understanding of financial concepts.
- Exhibit public meltdowns.
As a parent, you typically have two options: You can briskly walk through the shop, embodying the role of the “meanest parent ever,” while enduring the ensuing wails and protests from your child, or you can give in. Let’s be honest, most of the time, you opt for the latter, leading to a series of unfortunate outcomes:
- You’ll face the task of cleaning up after whatever your child chooses. Your home is likely already littered with toys, and adding to that chaos is the last thing you need. It’s a safe bet that your child will gravitate toward the dreaded Toobe O’ Tiny Animals.
- Your child will inevitably select the Toobe O’ Tiny Animals. Found at various attractions worldwide, these tiny plastic figures are priced at around a dollar each, and they have a knack for disappearing, clogging toilets, or ending up everywhere—yet your child will never play with them.
- Your child may fixate on the most expensive and largest plush toy in the store. You will find yourself attempting to rationally explain to an illogical being why a five-foot-wide octopus cannot be accommodated in your home, especially when its cost rivals your weekly grocery budget. Your efforts to redirect them to a smaller version will likely be in vain.
- Expect your child to take an eternity to make a decision. You could spend half an hour watching them endlessly browse aisles filled with various toys, with no sign of a choice. Only the looming threat of dinner will transform your child into a screeching tempest of frustration.
- Your child’s indecision will likely result in a never-ending cycle of changing their mind. Each item they consider will become more extravagant than the last, and your repeated trips to the checkout line will be met with, “Wait! I’m not sure!” Prepare for a long haul.
- If your child has a common name, they may want a monogrammed keychain that loses its novelty in less than 24 hours. You’ll regret naming them “Daniel” when they demand every item adorned with their name. Conversely, if you chose a unique name like “Sky,” you’ll find yourself in a battle when they can’t find a pencil with their name on it.
- You’ll spend half your time trying to keep your child from tossing items in the direction of the fragile, adult-themed glassware displayed prominently in the shop. You’ll also find yourself calculating the percentage of these items that will inevitably end up broken due to preschooler enthusiasm.
- With easy access to Amazon, you can calculate the exorbitant markup on each item—often around 350%. However, this analysis feels irrelevant when you’re at the Museum of Educational Things You Forget Right After the Gift Shop.
- Your intention to teach your child about stingrays may inadvertently turn into a lesson on consumerism. The moment they discover the gift shop, they transform into a mini Veruca Salt demanding all the goods. The simplest solution? Just deny them the privilege when they whine too much. You may still exit with a screaming child, but at least you can do so without having purchased anything.
In conclusion, navigating gift shops with preschoolers can be a challenging experience filled with tantrums and indecision. For more insights on home insemination and parenting, you can explore our other blog post here. Additionally, for expert resources on artificial insemination, check out Make a Mom and the CDC.