For many mothers, their closest allies are fellow moms who truly understand the challenges of parenting. These friendships provide not only empathy but also valuable insights from shared experiences. Fellow mothers can offer a comforting hug, a supportive laugh, or just the reassurance that comes from knowing someone else has faced similar struggles. They even comprehend the frequent interruptions that come from excitement about adult conversations.
While friendships with other moms are invaluable, I also find great importance in my friendships with those who do not have children. These friends remind me that my identity extends beyond motherhood, showcasing how privileged I am to have little ones tugging at my attention throughout the day. They offer perspectives that I might overlook and encourage me to embrace my individuality.
However, it is crucial to acknowledge that without experiencing parenthood firsthand, non-parent friends may not fully grasp the complexities of motherhood. Although they may try to empathize and claim they understand, the reality of parenting can only be truly appreciated by those who have lived it. For instance:
- I say: I am feeling incredibly exhausted today.
They hear: I could use a nice, long nap.
I mean: I am yearning for a two-week getaway in a hotel with nothing but HBO and a Costco-sized stash of cookies for company. - I say: My child finally slept through the night last night.
They hear: My child enjoyed a full nine hours of sleep.
I mean: My child managed three hours of sleep, woke for a half-hour feeding, then dozed off again for four hours. It’s a miracle! - I say: Can I offer you something to eat?
They hear: Should I prepare a quick snack for us?
I mean: Would you like a graham cracker or some fruit snacks? - I say: I can’t wait until my kids start school.
They hear: I’m excited for my children’s learning and growth.
I mean: I am thrilled at the prospect of a few hours of silence five days a week. - I say: My kids are becoming picky eaters.
They hear: My kids don’t always enjoy their vegetables.
I mean: They have somehow subsisted on just bread and milk for the past three days. - I say: I apologize for the mess in my house.
They hear: I haven’t managed to clean today since I’m busy being a great mom.
I mean: Could someone please get me a maid for my birthday? - I say: Just so you know, I haven’t showered yet today.
They hear: I haven’t showered, but I will once the kids are asleep.
I mean: The only washing I’ve done since last Friday is cleaning the poop off my hands.
It’s not their fault; they simply haven’t walked the same path. Perhaps I should consider arranging for them to babysit for a night—or maybe a couple of weeks. I think I spotted a Groupon for a short-term hotel…
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In summary, while the bond between mothers is significant, friendships with non-moms can provide a much-needed reminder of one’s individuality outside of parenting. Understanding the nuances of motherhood often requires firsthand experience, yet these friendships can still flourish through open communication and empathy.