Before you embark on an extensive search around your home for a baby you may or may not have, this straightforward evaluation can help clarify your situation.
1. Assess Your Attire:
- A) Your outfit is immaculate, stylish, and freshly pressed, having just been worn this morning.
- B) Your attire is somewhat wrinkled and could use a wash, but it doesn’t smell terrible and is relatively clean. There may be a few minor holes.
- C) Your clothing is speckled with five or more stains, predominantly on the shoulders; most of these stains are not from your own meals. You can’t recall when you last wore it, but you know it’s been on for at least two nights.
Results:
- A: You likely do not have a baby. You seem well put-together, and I must admit, I envy you.
- B: You also might not be a parent; it appears you might just have a casual approach to cleanliness.
- C: Congratulations! You are indeed a parent of an infant.
2. Dinner Time Habits:
- A) You hop in your vehicle, excited to try a new sushi restaurant located half an hour away.
- B) You head to your gourmet kitchen, brimming with fresh ingredients, and prepare a wholesome meal for your family at a dining table that is not positioned in front of a television.
- C) You rummage through the kitchen, realizing you have plenty of side dishes but forgot to thaw any meat. After snacking on crackers while brainstorming dinner ideas, you end up sampling leftovers at 10 PM while loading the dishwasher, not recalling the last time you enjoyed a meal seated at the table.
Results:
- A: You do NOT have an infant, unless you are the couple that takes their baby to restaurants, blissfully unaware of their child’s distress.
- B: You must be fictional; I can’t believe a person who prepares gourmet meals exists!
- C: Congratulations on welcoming a baby into your life! Or perhaps you are just experiencing a unique eating situation.
3. Home Decor Overview:
- A) Your home features a modern, monochromatic design, creating a cohesive look with subtle accents of color.
- B) Your decor is warm and traditional, showcasing rich tones and luxurious fabrics.
- C) Your home is a mix of decent adult furniture and college remnants, topped with a chaotic assortment of items resembling a rainbow explosion.
Results:
- A: You do not have a baby. Parents’ decor primarily consists of stains from their children’s meals.
- B: You likely do not have children; parents prioritize spending on their kids over themselves.
- C: You definitely have a baby. A childless adult would not willingly display items with such bright, bold colors.
4. Recent Ridiculous Statements:
- A) You recently declared, “I believe a two-party political system is the best option for governance.”
- B) You said, “I bet I can hit the cat from here.”
- C) You exclaimed, “What’s wrong with my doodle? Does my little bug have some poopity pants?”
Results:
- A: You definitely do not have a baby. Parents rarely engage in political discussions, as they are preoccupied with their children.
- B: I hope you do not have a baby; that would be concerning.
- C: Congratulations, you have a baby! You also might want to consult a medical professional if you’re speaking in such a manner.
5. Personal Relaxation Time:
- A) You rise early to meditate and do yoga before anyone else awakens.
- B) You enjoy your drive as a time to think or listen to music.
- C) You lock yourself in the bathroom for a bubble bath.
Results:
None of these options are realistic for parents. Once you have children, personal time is a rarity; kids wake up before you, and even bathroom doors become no barrier to their demands.
In conclusion, if you find that you do indeed have a baby, it’s essential to embrace the chaos and joy that comes with parenthood. For those interested in further information on pregnancy and home insemination, I recommend visiting this excellent resource: NHS IVF Information. For more insights on home insemination, check out this blog post. Additionally, for comprehensive kits, Make a Mom provides great options.