When I prepare to discuss love and intimacy with my daughters, my approach will be far more comprehensive than the simplistic “birds and the bees” explanation. I aim to instill lessons about self-confidence, listening to one’s instincts, and remaining authentic. My goal is to help them sidestep the pitfalls of life’s experiences, even if that seems like a tall order.
Looking back at my own clumsy encounters in the realm of relationships, I feel less shame and more of a pressing urge to give my younger self a stern warning (but not in the areas you might think). The period just after college was surprisingly liberating for dating, as it felt like everyone was young, free, and searching for connections (without resorting to the endless swiping on dating apps). I found myself meeting various individuals, often in casual settings, and for illustrative purposes, let’s center on one particular individual.
When I first noticed Alex, he had already shed his jacket and loosened his tie. His tousled hair framed his playful eyes and flushed cheeks. At 3 a.m., he asked for my number, and by 11 a.m. the following day, he’d arranged our dinner.
For our first date, I chose what I believed to be the perfect outfit: a long-sleeved, somewhat modest top paired with an undeniably short, flouncy black skirt and towering heels. At barely 5-foot-2, I often opted for sky-high shoes, leading to an appearance that could be described as a preppy showgirl.
Alex took me to a quaint Italian dive in the East Village. Our conversation was stilted, but I still found him attractive. After a few glasses of liquid courage, I excused myself to the restroom, which was precariously located down a narrow staircase.
Given my inebriated state and unstable footwear, one would think I’d grasp the railing for support. I did not. (My clutch was likely my focus.) One heel slipped, my skirt flew up, and I tumbled down the steps, landing hard. The pain was sharp enough to bring tears to my eyes. When I returned to the table, I masked my discomfort with a limp and said nothing about my tumble. Today, I would likely laugh it off, turning my misfortune into a story that could break the ice, but back then, I wanted to maintain an air of coolness and mystique.
Since we hardly knew each other, the natural progression led us back to his apartment. The sexual encounter was, at best, unremarkable. However, at one point, Alex began to spank me—right on the fresh bruise from my fall. It’s remarkable I didn’t lose consciousness from the pain or stop him. I allowed this virtual stranger to inflict discomfort, all while being unaware of my own limits.
Eventually, I managed to change positions, moving out of the way of further pain. The bruise faded before our second date, and while our romance lasted three months, I realized I never truly revealed my authentic self. Ironically, one of the moments I cherished with Alex was when he ruined dinner with an excessive amount of salt. I embraced his imperfections while concealing my own.
Now, as a mother in my forties, I feel a mix of protectiveness and sympathy for that 24-year-old woman who lacked the confidence to advocate for herself, especially in vulnerable moments. While I know my daughters will have to navigate their own mistakes, I hope to shield them from repeating mine. If only I could share this story without the more painful aspects.
Oh, and now that I’ve essentially shared this online, will my daughters stumble upon it someday? Perhaps they’ll need to search for my name along with “embarrassing” and “sex.” So, to my future daughters, remember that I was once young too, and here’s my advice: prioritize your well-being over your image. Cultivate confidence, listen to your instincts, and always stay true to yourself. And for safety’s sake, please hold onto the railing when using stairs.
In addition to this narrative, I encourage you to explore more on related topics, such as intracervical insemination and the insights offered by Healthline on intrauterine insemination. If you’re interested in resources for home insemination, Make A Mom provides valuable information.
Summary
This reflective piece shares the author’s personal experiences with dating and intimacy in her early twenties. It emphasizes the importance of self-confidence, trusting one’s instincts, and staying true to oneself, especially when navigating relationships. The narrative serves as both a cautionary tale and a source of wisdom for future generations.