Imagine it’s 1989. You’re 14, somewhat awkward, and a bit of a bookworm. Your hair is frizzy from a misguided perm, and you wear braces along with a rather unflattering orthodontic headgear at night. You’re stepping into a new high school where you don’t know a single soul.
This was my experience. The typical narrative of the ugly duckling transforming into a graceful swan usually concludes with a glamorous prom night or a fairy-tale ending. However, my journey through the teenage years was more about embracing my awkwardness. I eventually shed the perm and the braces, and I did go through puberty, but I remained the quintessential nerd. While some of my peers were busy dating the older boys and attending parties, I focused on building friendships, nurturing my family relationships, and diving deep into my studies. I found joy in the simplicity of being a child, largely shielded from the intense pressures of popularity.
As my own children approach their tween and teen years, I find myself wishing they too experience a phase of awkwardness. This period can serve as a buffer against the overwhelming pressures of adolescence, giving them time to explore quirky interests and share silly jokes instead of succumbing to the urge to engage in risky behaviors.
I recall a friend from my youth, pressured to drink alcohol in eighth grade, expressing that she sometimes wished her parents had been stricter. Unlike me, she didn’t have the protective shield of awkwardness; she was part of a popular crowd that engaged in risky behaviors. This highlights the importance of fostering an environment that allows kids to be themselves without the weight of peer pressure.
While I can’t guarantee my children will be as “uncool” as I was, I have found insightful guidance in Lisa Damour’s book, Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood. Although it primarily addresses girls, the principles can easily be applied to boys as well. Damour emphasizes the efficacy of avoiding extreme parenting strategies. If we threaten severe consequences, our children may hesitate to reach out for help during precarious situations. Conversely, if we try to befriend them in a bid to keep them safe, we risk losing our authority. It is better to establish clear boundaries and be the “boring” parent, allowing them to use us as a scapegoat when confronted by peer pressure.
In essence, as parents, our role is not to be trendy or cool. It’s a responsibility I feel well-equipped for, having navigated my own awkward years. So, as my kids head into their teenage phase, I’m ready to embrace the nerdiness that comes along with it.
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In summary, an awkward teenage phase can be a valuable experience that allows young individuals to develop their identities free from societal pressures. By fostering this phase, parents can provide a safe space for their children to grow, explore, and ultimately thrive.