As I approach my 49th year, I find myself grappling with both minor and major challenges. In reality, I seem to be in a constant state of perspiration.
My journey began during a business trip to California a few years ago when I noticed something unusual. “This is odd,” I remarked to my partner while gazing out at the sunset from our hotel window. “I feel feverish, yet I’m not really unwell. Perhaps I’m coming down with something.” It turned out to be neither a virus nor anything my body could fend off.
What I was experiencing was menopause, a phenomenon I once believed only affected “older” women and something I saw as a distant reality. At 49, I still feel youthful and unprepared for this transition.
The relentless hot flashes hit like waves crashing on a beach, interrupting my daily activities and forcing me to pause and breathe deeply, often eliciting confused looks from younger colleagues and knowing glances from older ones. Who coined the term “menopause”? It hardly feels like a pause; it feels like an end—an end to the cyclical nature that has defined my life since I was 13, barring the brief intermissions of pregnancy and breastfeeding.
It marks the conclusion of my reliance on estrogen. Years ago, I overcame a smoking addiction, but the withdrawal from estrogen feels far more challenging. I could easily portray a character in a film about addiction, with the sweating and trembling that accompany this transition.
Moreover, it’s the end of the predictable rhythm of my metabolism, where I understood how to manage my weight effectively. These days, shedding pounds isn’t as straightforward.
On a brighter note, menopause heralds new beginnings—some unexpected, like the emergence of facial hair, insomnia, mood swings, and numerous other changes I’m yet to explore or wish to address. I hope that some of my favorite fashion choices, like scarves, are still viable.
Recently, while shopping for breathable and comfortable clothing suitable for my hot flashes, a young saleswoman caught my attention. As she massaged my hand with a Dead Sea salt scrub, she asked my age. “Forty-nine,” I replied. With her thick accent, she exclaimed, “You look quite good!” I felt my cheeks flush, which led to yet another hot flash. I wanted to ask her how I would fare once the sweating subsided and if her magical salts could help me shed a few pounds. However, I simply thanked her and moved on, opting to buy looser-fitting pants and moisture-wicking fabrics.
Such moments lead to reflections on life. When faced with significant changes, it’s natural to ponder our journey. A song my children adored, “100 Years” by Five for Fighting, echoes in my mind—”You only got a hundred years to live.” While most of us might not reach that milestone, I find myself at a crossroads, akin to a seasonal shift.
At 19, I met my spouse, marking the conclusion of my “spring” phase—characterized by childhood, education, and exploration. By 29, in the midst of “summer,” I welcomed my first child, and at 39, I re-entered the workforce, navigating the busy days filled with parenting and career advancement.
Now, at 49, I’m officially in menopause. The responsibilities of raising my three children have evolved, with two in college and the youngest soon to follow. The realization that I won’t bear another child brings a touch of sorrow, though I had anticipated it. The finality of this change is palpable.
Nevertheless, I remind myself of a lesson learned from my mother-in-law, who thrived after turning 49, earning an advanced degree, forming new friendships, and exploring the world. She has welcomed three grandchildren and recently celebrated her 79th birthday, embodying optimism for her next “winter.”
As I stand on the brink of my own “autumn,” a season I cherish for its warmth and color, I look forward to what lies ahead at 59 and 69. The changing seasons of life hold promise and possibility, despite the occasional discomfort of hot flashes.
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Summary:
Navigating the transition of menopause can be challenging, marked by physical and emotional changes. Yet, it also represents a new chapter of life, reflecting on past seasons and looking forward to future possibilities. Embracing these changes allows for personal growth and discovery, as we learn to adapt to the evolving landscape of our lives.