When I prepared for motherhood, the one item I was most excited about on my baby shower registry was the Baby Bjorn. I dreamed of wearing my little one close to my heart as I tackled daily chores, exercised, or even just enjoyed a leisurely stroll. I envisioned us like a modern-day Mary and her little lamb, inseparable every waking moment.
However, reality hit hard when I gave birth at 3:15 AM. After a night of marveling at my newborn, I finally drifted off to sleep, only to wake up an hour later to find him missing. Panic set in. My husband reassured me that he was just taken for routine checks, but I couldn’t help but feel the urge to summon the nurse immediately. I longed to cradle my baby again, eager to start our life together as a close-knit duo.
Yet, just six hours post-delivery, I faced a startling revelation: the “attachment parenting” lifestyle I had envisioned was not going to be feasible for me. The idea of wearing my baby all the time became suffocating, and the guilt I felt was overwhelming. If I struggled with an 8-pound infant, how would I manage as he grew heavier and took up more of my personal space?
I adored my son, but I quickly learned that I needed my own space far more than I anticipated. The thought of nursing for extended periods made my stomach churn, and I felt an urgent need to move freely without another body tethered to me. I realized I had to listen to my instincts.
I would nurse him for a short while on each side, then gently put him down to attend to my own needs. My mother once remarked that I was “all business” during nursing sessions, and honestly, that was true. This wasn’t how I imagined motherhood would feel, and I battled frustration over my limitations.
When my baby fell asleep, I had to let him lie in his crib and take care of my own responsibilities. Yes, guilt was a constant companion. I watched other mothers nurse for hours and carry their children effortlessly, which only fueled my self-doubt about my abilities as a parent. I sometimes felt jealous of their seemingly effortless connection.
That said, I cherished the moments we spent snuggling. I loved showering him with affection until he wriggled away. We enjoyed quiet afternoons cuddled up with books. But inevitably, I needed space to breathe. I couldn’t sustain that level of closeness indefinitely.
The day my son bit me while nursing at 8 months old marked a turning point. In that moment, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. I occasionally wore him in the Baby Bjorn while shopping, but I was equally thrilled when he was old enough to sit in a cart. There, I could engage with him, share snacks, and watch him flourish, all while ensuring my own comfort.
I learned that putting him down for naps and allowing him to explore independently did not hinder his development; in fact, it nurtured it. Those small victories helped diminish my guilt.
To be the best parent possible, it’s essential to remain true to ourselves. Our parenting styles may shift as we navigate this journey, but prioritizing our mental and physical well-being is key. When we care for ourselves, we create a loving environment for our children to thrive.
If you’re curious about different parenting styles and how to navigate your own journey, check out some insights on the topic in this other blog post. For those considering at-home insemination, Make a Mom offers reliable options for insemination kits, and IVF Babble is a fantastic resource for pregnancy and home insemination information.
Summary
Motherhood can often diverge from our expectations, especially regarding attachment parenting. Embracing your own needs and recognizing that space and independence can be beneficial for both you and your child is crucial. By prioritizing our well-being, we can cultivate healthier relationships with our children.