Let me share something personal: I didn’t breastfeed my son. This decision wasn’t based on a lack of ability or issues like low milk supply or a poor latch. The simple truth is, I didn’t want to breastfeed.
This is often where people jump to conclusions, labeling me as selfish, lazy, or uninformed. They might even wonder if there’s something fundamentally wrong with me, as if nurturing instinct is coded in our DNA. Trust me, I’ve wrestled with those same thoughts for years.
When my first son arrived, I attempted breastfeeding and immediately disliked it. I didn’t experience the euphoric connection that many moms describe. Instead, I felt frustration and anger. Each nursing session left me unsettled, and just thinking about it made me feel dread and sadness. I struggled with resentment towards my newborn for what felt like an invasion of my body, and I was filled with self-loathing for feeling this way about feeding my child.
After a few weeks, I stopped nursing and felt an instant wave of relief. However, that relief was soon overshadowed by a heavy blanket of shame and guilt. I thought I should want to breastfeed—what was wrong with me? My internal turmoil was amplified by society, from fellow parents to magazines, all subtly or overtly reinforcing the idea that breastfeeding is the gold standard.
The Invasive Question
Let’s talk about the invasive question we often ask new mothers: “Are you breastfeeding?” Why is this socially acceptable? We don’t pry into other personal details like how soon someone returned to intimacy after childbirth or whether their child was circumcised. It seems that there’s a societal expectation that a mother’s worth is intertwined with her feeding choices, which is incredibly damaging.
On top of the intrusive questions, there’s a deluge of articles and posts proclaiming that “breast is best.” The pressure to conform can feel overwhelming, often making those who choose not to breastfeed feel inadequate. This narrative needs to change.
Let me clarify—I fully recognize the benefits of breastfeeding and support a mother’s right to choose what works best for her and her baby. However, this support must also extend to those who choose not to breastfeed. I vividly recall the sting of seeing a sign in a local maternity store that read, “Babies Are Meant To Be Breastfed.” It felt like a personal attack, making me question my worth as a mother for prioritizing my emotional well-being over breastfeeding.
Finding Peace in My Decision
Over time, I began to understand that I hadn’t failed; breastfeeding simply wasn’t right for me. My postpartum depression was exacerbated by the stress of nursing, so when my second son was born three years later, I chose not to breastfeed from the outset. This decision brought peace not only to me but also to my family. Yet, echoes of shame and guilt lingered.
As the years have passed, I’ve found that the weight of shame has lessened. Part of this is simply the passage of time, but there’s also a growing acceptance of formula feeding and support for all mothers, regardless of how they choose to nurture their babies. My friend, Sarah Thompson, a lactation consultant, emphasizes that “the judgment and shame surrounding not breastfeeding has to end. What truly matters is love.”
Embracing Unique Motherhood Experiences
We need to move away from glorifying a singular notion of motherhood and recognize that each mother’s experience is unique. These stereotypes set unrealistic expectations, exacerbating feelings of guilt among mothers who don’t fit the mold.
Motherhood manifests in countless ways, but one constant remains: our fierce love for our children. And that love is truly what matters most.
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In summary, every mother’s journey is distinct, and it’s essential to foster a culture of support that embraces all choices, allowing each mother to feel empowered rather than judged.