My wonderful, intelligent, and charming husband, we need to have a little heart-to-heart.
Our relationship thrives on trust, understanding, and mutual respect. You are my soulmate, the father of our children, and quite the catch. With that in mind, I believe we can have this conversation without hurt feelings and use it as a stepping stone to deepen our connection and strengthen our marriage.
Just to clarify, if my swatting you away and hissing, “I just fell asleep, come on!” hasn’t quite hit home, let me spell it out for you plainly. When I slip into my pajamas, crawl into bed, turn off the lights, roll onto my side, and snuggle under the blankets, the “Sexorium” is officially closed for business. My body is in sleep mode, and if you try to wake it, the only response you’ll get is the frustrating low-battery signal indicating that I need to recharge before any action can happen.
I adore sex. Truly, I do — especially with you. But sleep is equally important to me, and once I’m on the verge of drifting off, there’s no turning back. You could dangle a dazzling, explosive climax right in front of me, and my only response would be, “Can you turn that down, please?”
Please, don’t nudge me. Don’t poke me. Don’t start playing Barry White on your iPad. I will retaliate with a well-placed elbow. I even had my dentist craft me a mouth guard to avoid this very situation. That bulky piece of plastic in my mouth should serve as a bright, flashing sign that reads, “Sleep Time: Do Not Disturb.”
Today was spent cleaning our house, which, despite being tidy when I hit the hay last night, somehow morphed into a disaster zone by lunchtime. I prepared meals for our kids and snagged bites of their leftovers while rushing out the door. I dealt with unpleasant odors and played detective to find their source. I navigated a series of errands and pickups. I know your day was demanding too — oh wait, my apologies! I didn’t mean to distract from the true focus here.
I get it; your day had its ups and downs as well. But just because I’m tired doesn’t mean I’m opposed to intimacy. I’m always up for that — just not when I’m finally on the brink of gaining some much-needed rest. You might not realize this because you can fall asleep faster than I can find my pajamas, but sex tends to wake me up.
That supermom at the PTA who seems to juggle everything? I know her secret: she probably has bedtime fun and Adderall in her toolkit. I’m without the latter, so sex alone can’t sustain that kind of lifestyle.
At any other time of day — literally any other time — I’m game. Want to join me in the shower in the morning? I’m in! Baby’s napping? Let’s make the most of it. If I come out of the bathroom after brushing my teeth, and you have “Let’s Get It On” playing, then yes! I’m all in! But once I’m in bed, that’s the cutoff for any evening activities.
This isn’t a rejection; it’s about self-care. I need my rest so I can reset and tackle another day like today. But don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten to put you on tomorrow’s agenda.
Love,
Your caring, tactful, and well-rested wife
If you found this piece relatable, check out our other blog post for more insights on balancing marriage and parenthood. Additionally, for those exploring the journey of parenthood, Make A Mom offers excellent kits for at-home insemination. And don’t forget to check out this WebMD resource on pregnancy and home insemination.