When we were kids, the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” felt like an open canvas. “The sky is the limit,” my teacher would say, and I dreamed of being a singer who glorified Jesus through music. Unfortunately, my vocal cords had other plans.
As I transitioned into adulthood, my aspirations evolved, and each year brought new expectations. What they didn’t prepare us for was that odd phase between ages 23 and 35 when people stop asking and start telling us what we should be doing. The two questions that irk me the most? “Has he popped the question yet?” and “When do you plan to start a family?”
While I have some go-to responses for these inquiries, inside I’m often screaming. Who decided that I had to be a wife and a mother? Honestly, it’s nobody’s business.
These questions stir up a whirlwind of emotions in me, depending on the day. When my partner finally proposed, I think he was just as relieved to end the incessant questioning about our future as he was to hear my “yes.” But little did we know that saying “I do” opened the floodgates for even more questions about starting a family—before we even had a wedding venue booked!
Why are people so invested in how we choose to navigate our lives when it has no bearing on them? Now that we’re married and homeowners (another topic of eager inquiry), the questions about kids seem to multiply. Technically, it’s the next logical step, but I can’t shake the feeling of being cornered. Even a casual social media post can spark an influx of messages asking if I’m expecting.
Holidays are particularly challenging. Once I commented on the peculiar aroma of my dad’s experimental chicken dish, and I overheard whispers: “Is she pregnant?” I had to retreat to the garage just to cool down.
Here’s the reality: We aren’t expecting. Not yet, anyway. Just four months after our wedding, my husband and I faced significant health challenges. Trust me, I long to tell you that we’re actively trying for a baby. I want to share that on my 27th birthday, just a month after tying the knot, we decided to start this journey. I wish I could tell you about the ovulation calendar we have hanging on our bathroom door and the basket of pregnancy tests waiting eagerly for use.
But the truth is much harsher. I would have to explain how chemotherapy took a toll on the man I love most. I watched him endure three months of misery while feeling utterly helpless to ease his pain. We survived on a diet of Mexican food and pizza for an entire month because that was the only thing he could taste. I had to comfort him while I cried, grappling with the news that many of my friends were expecting. I may have to face the fact that we might not have children.
Every time someone asks if we’re pregnant yet, I’m reminded of all this. To spare you from the heavy details, I often respond with, “It’s in God’s hands,” because, honestly, that’s where it stands right now.
So, the next time you think about asking someone that loaded question, just don’t. If you’re genuinely curious, wait for them to bring it up or ask someone else. You never know what struggles they might be facing—be it infertility, illness, loss, or financial distress. At the end of the day, it’s truly none of your business, even if you care for them deeply.
And to all my friends who are still enjoying the thrill of life before marriage and kids, consider this your friendly warning: Once you hit 25, the world seems to expect you to abandon your dreams, find a partner, and start a family. But don’t let that pressure get to you. Live your life fully, and everything else will fall into place when the time is right. Life is short—believe me, I know.
For more insights on this topic, check out this blog post. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, I recommend visiting Make A Mom for reliable insemination kits. Additionally, the CDC has excellent resources for understanding pregnancy and home insemination.