Before I became a parent, I held certain beliefs that seemed so clear-cut: allowing a child to negotiate or express their desires only leads to bad behavior. I thought I’d always be in charge, ensuring my kids would never be those entitled, spoiled brats. But, as many parents know, that perspective can quickly change once you have little ones of your own.
It’s easy to judge from the sidelines, especially when you’re at a nice dinner and hear a child yelling, “I don’t like you!” at their parent. I’ll admit, my initial thoughts during those moments were less than sympathetic. Anyone who’s been there and thought, “Oh, they’re just expressing themselves,” likely had a drink or two—good for them!
Most of us genuinely want to raise kind-hearted individuals, and we understand that it’s our duty to guide them. However, just because you see a parent discussing options with their child or allowing them to express their emotions doesn’t mean they’re raising someone who thinks they should get their way all the time. It also doesn’t mean that child is destined to become an insufferable adult.
If you pass judgment on a parent after a brief observation, you might want to reconsider your own behavior. Parenting styles vary widely, and sometimes we engage in negotiations with our kids. They are individuals with their own thoughts and feelings, and it’s essential to acknowledge their voices.
I recall a situation where my son wanted to buy a set of colorful plastic cups. I initially hesitated, fearing the mess he’d create. But when he explained how much he wanted them because they were “cute” and perfect for his milk, I realized it was an opportunity to teach him empathy and self-expression. That small moment turned into something delightful, as he now enjoys sipping from those cups while dramatically extending his pinky—an adorable habit he picked up while pretending to emulate “fancy people.” In the end, it became one of the best $5 I’ve ever spent.
Children are intelligent, but sometimes our first instinct is to dismiss their ideas because we’re overwhelmed or simply don’t understand their perspective. The truth is, children are human, not machines. They need the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, starting with small decisions that can grow as they mature. I admire the way my son confidently responded to an adult who told him boys shouldn’t wear necklaces. He said, “I like it, and I’ll wear it because it was given to me by someone special.” If I had taught him to suppress his thoughts, he might have missed out on learning to advocate for himself.
By encouraging our kids to express their thoughts, we’re instilling confidence and teaching them to assert their needs respectfully. This is a vital skill for navigating the world. I’d prefer my children to be outspoken advocates for themselves rather than individuals who shy away from standing up for what’s right or accepting blame for something that wasn’t their fault, all in the name of being “seen and not heard.” That’s not the legacy I’m building.
If giving my children the freedom to express themselves and have their own opinions makes them “special snowflakes,” then I embrace that label wholeheartedly. It’s 2023, and parenting looks different than it did in previous generations. We’re empowering our kids with choices and experiences that we believe will help them thrive. This aligns with the ethos of “know better, do better,” which I strive to embody in my parenting. If my kids are any indication, I must be doing something right.
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In summary, parenting is about nurturing independent thinkers who can articulate their needs and stand up for themselves in a respectful manner. By allowing our kids to have opinions and express themselves, we’re not raising entitled individuals—we’re preparing them for a world where their voices matter.