Hey there, adult children! Thanks for dropping by and for reminding me of all the parenting blunders I’ve made over the years. Love you dearly!
Reflecting on my journey through the chaotic world of motherhood (let’s call it the parenting front lines), I often find myself acknowledging that I’ve been both a fantastic mom and a not-so-great one. I’m a good-bad mother, and that’s just how it is.
Mothers, bless our hearts! We who falter spectacularly and those who soar to great heights are all part of the same chaotic fabric of parenting. My experiences as a mother have been a constant back-and-forth between nailing it and feeling utterly defeated. I could fill two bins with my tales of triumph and failure.
Many of us struggle to accept that it’s perfectly normal to feel both accomplished and inadequate in our roles as moms. We tend to dwell on our missteps. Yes, some of them are significant, but the majority are minor hiccups that come with the territory.
Motherhood is a whirlwind of storms and sunshine, filled with imperfect moments and others so breathtakingly beautiful that they make us want to take a bow. While our individual challenges may vary, we share a common aspiration: to be the perfect mom for our kids.
We envision ourselves as flawless role models, tireless nurturers, wise mentors, and adept chefs. We want to be loving caregivers, attentive housekeepers, and even mind readers!
This phenomenon is what we’ve dubbed Perfect Mom Syndrome, or PMS for short. I know it’s a bit misleading, but just roll with it.
Much like flipping through glossy magazines and envying the unattainable physiques of teenage models (because we’re not 15 anymore), we all have a mental image of the “ideal” mom. This image is often a flowery portrayal of how a “good” mother should appear and behave.
Despite knowing that motherhood is far from a perfect science, we can’t help but strive for that elusive perfect mom status.
What Does Your Perfect Mom Look Like?
For me, she’s calm and collected. She’s patient and never raises her voice. She sticks to her well-defined rules, even when she’s exhausted or when the going gets tough.
She wears designer clothes and looks fabulous in them, thanks to her enviable figure.
She whips up nutritious dinners and packs healthy lunches, keeping junk food at bay. She’s the type who bakes cakes with applesauce instead of butter.
Perfect Mom always offers the best advice without losing her cool—even when her 14-year-old inquires about birth control or expresses a desire for a giant panda tattoo on her back because “pandas are beautiful.”
She’s on top of everything. Laundry? No problem. She picks her kids up right on time and always has milk in the refrigerator.
She’s a math whiz, too—yes, she’s that good.
When we find ourselves trying to emulate her, even a little, we’re dealing with PMS (you’ll get used to it).
In contrast, a “regular mom” might toss a box of Lunchables into her kid’s backpack and call it a day. Why? Because it’s convenient.
A regular mom might serve chips and salsa or cereal for dinner. She may even send her child to school in mismatched socks because the laundry is piling up, and grocery shopping is just one more chore on her endless list.
Regular Mom occasionally feels lost. She doesn’t have all the answers and may not always want to engage in rational discussions. Sometimes, she gets angry and frustrated and slams things around. Why? Because she’s human.
And here’s the thing: Regular moms are not “bad” moms. I used to think that way, and it consumed me. It’s completely okay to strive to be a good mom, but what’s not okay is to obsess over our daily imperfections. PMS creeps in and makes us feel inadequate when we can’t measure up, which undermines our ultimate goal of raising well-rounded individuals.
Here’s a little secret: Perfect Mom doesn’t truly exist. Sure, she may make occasional appearances, but she’s never consistent. Chasing after her can drain our energy and chip away at our confidence.
The reality is that each day in the life of a mother is a mix of giving and taking, helping and hindering. We demonstrate patience and, at times, we lose it. We move forward, and we also retreat.
The same mouth that yells at a slow driver also coos at a baby. The same hands that pull a son away from danger are the ones that wipe his tears.
The same mind that feels overwhelmed and wants to give up on motherhood is the one that lies awake at night worrying about every possible threat to her children.
We moms will never be perfect because our children bring out the best and the worst in us—that’s just how it goes. We must let go of PMS before it ruins our experience of motherhood. It will if we allow it.
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Summary
Embracing the chaos of motherhood means acknowledging that we can be both good and bad moms at the same time. While striving for perfection is natural, it often leads to feelings of inadequacy. It’s important to recognize that the ideal “Perfect Mom” doesn’t exist, and that embracing our imperfections is key to a fulfilling parenting journey.