By: Jessica Turner
Updated: March 13, 2017
There’s something inherently amusing about the sound of flatulence, and kids seem to find it particularly hilarious. Every time they let one rip, fits of giggles ensue—loud, smelly, and oh-so-funny! Even as an adult in my 30s, I can’t help but stifle a chuckle if I accidentally release a “silent but deadly” one while crammed into an elevator or on a crowded train. It’s no wonder Dr. Seuss once quipped, “Adults are just outdated children.”
However, in the grown-up world, farting can be a tad embarrassing. Take, for example, the moments in my office when my flatulence either sounds too loud or smells too foul for comfort. On days when the coast is clear, I might not even register it happening. My 4-year-old, however, is my ever-watchful gas detector.
Recently, I stumbled upon a trivia tidbit stating that the average person passes gas about 14 times a day. I shared this with a friend, and we decided to test it out. Either that fact was wildly inaccurate, or we are both overachievers, as we easily surpassed that number—each.
My little one doesn’t just notice the times when I actually fart; he also jumps to conclusions at the slightest hint of a noise or odor. A creaky door, a bubble gum pop, or even the sound of footsteps near a manhole prompts him to exclaim, “Mommy, you farted!” While I attempt to mimic the noise to prove my innocence, he remains relentless. It’s as if he feels an overwhelming urge to announce every faux pas, whether we’re standing in line at Costco or mingling at a birthday party with potential mom friends.
In these moments, I shoot him the classic “mom look”—that unspoken communication mothers develop the moment they give birth—while I remind him in a hushed tone that “not in public” has been my mantra since he once decided to announce to a store full of shoppers that “the baby is going to come out your vagina!” Clearly, I should have waited until he was older to share such details, but hey, he’s my firstborn—what do I know?
At home, the floodgates of potty humor open wide. My son delights in a nonstop stream of words like “fart,” “toot,” and “poop.” “No toot’s too big, no fart’s too small!” he sings during the opening of Paw Patrol. “Colin!” I chide, raising my eyebrows in disbelief. His innocent face looks back at me, genuinely puzzled as to why I’m interrupting his playful rendition of a children’s show theme.
Later, when I ask what he wants for dinner, he responds with a giggly “Tooty poop with farts on the side.” His knack for blending humor with food has led me to consider the most absurd dinner ideas, like serving him a plate with fake dog poop, just to see if that would curb the potty talk. So far, none of my interventions, including a serious chat about why he feels the need to point out my farts, have worked.
“Colin, why do you feel the need to tell me every time that I fart?” I ask.
“Because! You might not know that you farted,” he replies with conviction.
“So what? I really don’t need to know,” I insist.
“Yes, you do! Because… you farted!” he exclaims.
What else can I expect from a child who insists on sitting beside me on a stool while I ‘take care of business’? Clearly, traditional admonishments aren’t effective, nor is reasoning with a preschooler (which is, let’s face it, an oxymoron). So, I decided to embrace the silliness while trying to sneak in some vegetable talk at dinner.
“Hey, Colin, want to hear a super silly song?” I asked him, grinning. “It starts like this: ‘Beans, beans, the magical fruit…’”
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In summary, the hilarity of farting remains a staple in both childhood and adulthood, though it often comes with its own set of challenges when you’re a parent. Whether it’s navigating the embarrassment of being called out in public or simply trying to enjoy a meal without constant potty references, these moments remind us that parenting is an unpredictable and often humorous adventure.