My daughter, at just 7 years old, recently hit me with a thought-provoking question: Why do girls always seem to need to look good? It’s clear she notices the stark difference in the time I spend preparing myself to leave the house compared to her dad. She observes my worries about my hair, outfits, and body image and sees how media often portrays girls who invest significantly more in their appearance than boys.
This observation made me pause and reflect deeply. Unfortunately, I found myself at a loss for a suitable answer. Should I tell her that society often judges women based on their looks? While that’s an undeniable reality, it’s not something I want her to internalize at such a young age. I’d prefer for her to understand that she should be evaluated based on her achievements, intelligence, and character.
The images we encounter daily—whether online or in magazines—carry immense weight, often impacting our subconscious more than we realize. As I navigate this world with my daughter, I must consider the messages these visuals send us both consciously and unconsciously.
At her age, my imaginative and spirited girl has little concern for appearances, and I admire that. It took me years to reach a similar mindset. She often resists the idea of matching outfits or even brushing her hair, emerging from her room in colorful ensembles that would make Pippi Longstocking proud. “Why can’t I wear this?” she insists passionately, fully aware of my typical response.
However, the other day, I decided to break the mold and told her she could wear whatever she wanted. The joy on her face was priceless; she lit up and danced around the kitchen. In that moment, I realized it was essential to encourage her to embrace her individuality rather than conform to societal expectations.
Girls face immense pressure to fit into a certain mold—be it about how they should act, look, or think. They are often told to be confident but not too confident, smart but not intimidatingly smart, and fashionable but not overly concerned with their appearance. These mixed messages can lead to issues with body image, and increasingly, more girls are developing eating disorders. I am particularly sensitive to this topic, having battled an eating disorder myself as a teenager. Alarmingly, research shows that 42% of girls in first through third grades wish to be thinner, highlighting a significant societal problem.
A 2006 article from Science Daily reported findings from Brown Medical School and other institutions, concluding that even without an eating disorder, concerns about body image can detract from a girl’s quality of life. Reflecting on the hours I wasted worrying about my appearance motivates me to ensure my daughter doesn’t go down the same path.
What can we do as parents? I stumbled upon the work of a photographer, Anna Reed, whose project-turned-book, “Strong Is the New Pretty: A Celebration of Girls Being Themselves,” aims to reshape the definition of beauty through images of girls engaging in activities they love. Instead of posing them in traditional, flattering outfits, Anna captures girls in genuine moments of joy, determination, and even frustration. Her work offsets the unrealistic beauty standards typically seen in media.
Furthermore, research indicates that girls, beginning as young as 6, begin to perceive themselves as less intelligent than boys. This troubling trend reflects deeply ingrained stereotypes that persist in our society. I still haven’t fully answered my daughter’s question, but I’m planning to have a candid discussion with her soon. I’ll share Anna’s book and guide her through analyzing the images we see in advertising versus those that celebrate authenticity.
To combat these issues, it’s crucial that she develops media literacy skills. Perhaps we’ll even participate in advocacy efforts such as the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. Still, I can’t help but wonder if these efforts will be enough to keep her resilient through her teenage years. After all, while we can talk about countering negative media influences, we must acknowledge that an image often speaks louder than words.
In summary, it’s essential to challenge the societal norms that dictate how girls should look and act. We need to foster an environment where our daughters can embrace their individuality and feel empowered in their own skin.