Receiving compliments from my father was like finding a needle in a haystack. As an outspoken New Englander with a sharp tongue, he didn’t hesitate to voice his opinions, yet the words “I’m proud of you” were rarely uttered unless I achieved something monumental. Despite his sparse praise, I found myself striving daily for his approval—often feeling disheartened.
When my daughter was born, weighing a mere five pounds, I was determined that she would grow up feeling empowered without constantly seeking validation. I envisioned a home where her strengths and talents were celebrated openly. My goal wasn’t to shower her with empty compliments about her looks but to instill in her the knowledge that she was fierce and capable of making a significant impact from the moment she entered this world.
I knew I couldn’t do this alone, so I made sure to discuss my aspirations with her father. Just like the difference between enjoying a drink and crafting a cocktail, I understood that my approach to motherhood would complement his style of fatherhood. I could guide her in challenging societal norms and advocating for herself, but I also wanted her to have a father who exemplified strength and capability. I wanted her to receive respect, kindness, and love from the man she would call Dad, and for him to offer her encouragement without her pleading for it.
My husband has truly risen to the occasion, and it fills my heart with joy to witness him help her discover her inner strength.
As I observe her blossoming into a thoughtful 11-year-old, I realize that she needs to hear affirmations of her power now more than ever. In today’s challenging political landscape, I take pride in knowing she is surrounded by women raising their voices collectively, fighting for their rights to make choices about their bodies and to earn fair wages. She has a network of strong women supporting her, both personally and globally. That’s fantastic!
But equally important is the presence of men in her life who actively demonstrate their support for resilient, powerful women.
We need more men willing to stand up for our girls. Men who, after long days at work, still make it to basketball games to coach and inspire our daughters in teamwork and determination. We need those who engage with their nieces at family gatherings, kneeling down to make eye contact and asking, “What are you learning in school?” and then genuinely listening.
We require the men in classrooms who don’t fall into the trap of underestimating girls in subjects like math. They need to recognize that a girl can excel in complex equations and scientific experiments.
We need men in healthcare who advocate for women’s rights and ensure they receive the safe medical care they deserve.
And let’s not forget the man who recently stood up for my daughter in a bustling restaurant. When he overheard her being put down by her grandmother—told she lacked the strength to pursue her dream career—he intervened. He walked across the room, silenced the negativity, and told her she could achieve anything she set her mind to while encouraging her to keep her head held high. When my daughter recounted the story to me, her eyes sparkled as she said, “He doesn’t even know me! And he believes in me.”
This man made a point to remind everyone that undermining a girl’s strength only perpetuates the patriarchal system. He made it clear that she would never break the glass ceiling if those around her kept insisting she couldn’t. Then, as if it were the most natural thing, he returned to his meal.
This man is exactly who I want in my daughter’s life.
I may never know his name or his profession, but the impact he made on my daughter will last a lifetime. Because I wasn’t present when he defended her, I won’t have the chance to express my gratitude, nor will I know what inspired his actions or if he has a daughter of his own. What I do know is that he has made my journey as a parent easier, and for that, I will always be thankful. My daughter will never forget him.
And if our paths cross again, his hamburger and fries are on me—it’s the least I can do.
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In summary, the presence of supportive men in our daughters’ lives is crucial. Their encouragement and belief in our girls’ potential can make a significant difference in shaping their futures.