During a recent weekend getaway with friends, one of my close pals, a stay-at-home mom, casually mentioned that her teenage children prepared their own breakfast. It wasn’t so much a confession as it was a proud declaration, void of any shame or regret. This sparked a lively debate among us, with opinions sharply divided on her parenting choices. Some friends were aghast: How could she let her kids fend for themselves in the mornings? (Gasp!) And it wasn’t as if she was scrambling to get out of the house; she was simply enjoying some quiet time with her coffee and the morning news.
Reflecting on our judgmental attitudes was eye-opening. We’ve been friends for over 30 years and know she’s an amazing mom raising wonderful kids. Her intention behind this approach is clear: she aims to instill independence and self-sufficiency in her children. She wants to raise strong individuals who appreciate what they have and don’t feel entitled. After all, is it really so hard for them to pour their own cereal or whip up some scrambled eggs? These are tasks they can handle, right? Yet, she faced scrutiny simply because she was a stay-at-home mom. Isn’t that her responsibility?
Having kids aged 6, 8, and 9, I also assign them tasks. They tidy up their rooms, clear the table after meals, and even put away their own laundry (albeit with a bit of chaos). So, I wasn’t among those who were appalled.
But truth be told, I’ve often judged fellow stay-at-home mom friends in the past. I vividly recall many girls’ nights where I listened to them express their frustrations about their seemingly overwhelming lives. They complained about constant carpooling, juggling activities, and attempting to keep up with everything. As I sipped my drink, I’d think, “I manage that too—and I work full-time! How can they claim it’s tougher when I have both work and parenting responsibilities?”
Then, life took a turn, and I found myself in their shoes. A few months ago, I left my job for health reasons and became a stay-at-home mom. Now, from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m., it’s just me and my dog, and we’ve discovered plenty of ways to fill our time.
To those friends I once rolled my eyes at, I owe an apology. I understand now. There’s so much to keep busy with during the day. While my situation may differ from typical stay-at-home moms since my main focus is on my health, my days are still filled with laundry, cleaning, organizing doctor’s appointments, and volunteering at school. I often wonder how I managed all of this while working full-time; it’s all a bit of a blur. Now, I can’t envision life any other way.
Being “just a stay-at-home mom” has turned out to be both the most exhausting and rewarding part of parenting. I cherish putting my kids on the bus each morning and being there when they return home. I can gauge their day from the weight of their backpacks.
My new responsibilities include being the homework overseer, snack provider, and taxi driver. I also want to dispel some common misconceptions about stay-at-home moms, especially those put forth by my own kids. Contrary to what they think, I’m not binge-watching shows on their iPads all day, nor am I sleeping my days away. And I doubt they even make bonbons anymore!
I feel fortunate to have experienced both a fulfilling career and this time at home. I’m grateful for the chance to focus on my health and spend more time with my family. Yet, I can’t deny that I miss my job and the work I was passionate about. There are days I wish I had to dress up for work again—though I must admit, yoga pants are incredibly comfy!
What I’ve learned is that regardless of whether I’m working or staying at home, I’m still an imperfect mom. Some days are a triumph. Just recently, the sun broke through our usually dreary winter skies, and my kids played outside for hours without devices. I prepped healthy snacks for them, and bedtime was a breeze filled with cuddles and stories—no yelling at all!
Then there are days that feel overwhelming. My youngest came home from school upset, and my healthy snacks had vanished, leading them to raid the snack drawer (Oreos can be quite comforting!). They reached for their screens almost immediately after homework. And that streak of non-yelling? That was short-lived. Despite being home with them daily, my oldest still claims, “Daddy is the fun one.”
Having navigated both worlds, I can genuinely say we’re all doing our best, whether we work outside the home or are stay-at-home parents. Most of us feel like we’re somehow messing it all up, more than we ever anticipated. So, let’s stop assuming life is easier for others. Let’s stop judging one another.
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In summary, transitioning into a stay-at-home mom has reshaped my perspective on parenting. We all face unique challenges, and it’s essential to support one another rather than judge.