As evidenced by the charming and often comical images of kids looking far too mature for their age flooded across social media, we’ve just hit the 100-day mark in kindergarten. Before we know it, first grade will be upon us, and I can’t help but feel the mounting pressure.
My son, Jake, is enrolled in a Montessori school but attends speech and occupational therapy three times a week at a local public K-8 school. Just recently, the occupational therapist, who is meant to assist him in honing his fine motor skills—like the correct way to grip a pencil—expressed her frustration, questioning, “What has he been doing at that other school?” It’s disheartening to hear.
Meanwhile, my friend Sarah, whose son is also in kindergarten at a public school, received a note from his teacher claiming, “He doesn’t know any sight words.” Honestly, the term “sight word” was completely foreign to me until a month ago. While memorizing a slew of words may boost test scores, what happened to phonics and sounding things out? I came across an article highlighting Finland’s educational success, noting that they don’t introduce reading and writing until children are seven. Their emphasis is on play, ample outdoor time, and practical life skills. Forcing boys to sit still and focus on reading and writing for extended periods runs counter to their natural instincts.
I’ll admit it: I was the quintessential student, the teacher’s pet from kindergarten through my college years. My younger brother, however, was far from it. His third-grade teacher made him sit next to her for an entire year as a form of punishment. Today, he holds two master’s degrees, and his income far exceeds mine.
When Jake wasn’t walking by 15 months, my partner reassured me that he wouldn’t be scooting into kindergarten. I know that my son will read; he’ll be successful—it’s just going to happen on his own timeline. Yet, in America, it seems that parents gather in playgrounds comparing their children’s IQ scores and reading levels, as if it’s some sort of contest. Why are we competing? We ought to uplift one another and celebrate our friends’ kids, acknowledging their achievements instead.
Out of curiosity, I had Jake’s IQ tested to find answers to some challenges he was facing. The night before the assessment, I found myself daydreaming about a score of 160. My inner mama bear thought, “That will show everyone! He’s a genius—take that, all the daycare centers that dismissed him!” But the results were inconclusive; he refused to engage in several parts of the test and even bolted from the room in tears at one point. He enjoyed the puzzles and math but played coy during the vocabulary section. When asked about the meaning of “obey,” he grinned and said, “I have never heard that word before in my entire life.”
In light of this, we recently hired a behavioral coach who visits Jake at school several times a week. I delayed this decision for far too long, but having an in-class advocate has been a game changer. This coach doesn’t punish him; instead, she removes his rewards and allows him to earn them back by adjusting his behavior. His response has been remarkable. Previously, I relied on negative reinforcement, which turned out to be, well, detrimental for us both.
Rather than fixating on levels or test scores, let’s focus on what our children are genuinely learning. Yes, my son is currently struggling with literacy and has some speech difficulties, but he’s gaining invaluable insights about the world around him. He may not be able to spell “Venezuela,” but he can narrate fascinating facts about it.
This shy, often socially awkward boy took the stage recently and sang two songs in Spanish in front of an audience! Jake has a knack for climbing trees and is deeply engaged with math, science, and engineering—proving he’s quite different from me. Lately, I’m most proud of his growth in kindness and empathy, learning to connect with others regardless of their background or appearance. That’s truly something to boast about.
In conclusion, it’s essential to remember that development varies from child to child. Instead of worrying about academic milestones, let’s appreciate the lessons our kids are learning about life.
For more insights on parenting and child development, check out this related post on our blog. If you’re interested in exploring at-home insemination options, consider visiting Make a Mom for reputable products. Additionally, for valuable information on pregnancy, MedlinePlus is an excellent resource.