My friend stormed into my house, juggling her two young children, both of whom were red-eyed and crying. “They’ve been such a handful today,” she lamented, guiding them toward the living room. I could definitely relate.
“I’ve had my fair share of mischief too,” I replied, motioning to my youngest son, who was standing beside me, looking completely innocent after causing chaos for the last hour. “Is there something in the air? I’m over their bickering.”
This kind of exchange is all too common among parents. We often find ourselves venting about our kids, and since they’re usually right there, they pick up on our words. I didn’t think much of it until one evening when my husband and I were chatting with our neighbors. “I’m truly lucky,” he said, wrapping his arm around me, detailing the qualities he appreciates about me. I felt a surge of pride, a warm glow that lingered long after.
That moment made me realize something unsettling: I often speak about my kids in negative terms when they can hear me. While I’m not outright scolding them or being harsh, mentioning their stubbornness or grumpiness to others can’t be beneficial. They might not express it, but it surely affects them in some way.
There’s something about overhearing others talk positively about you that feels more genuine than just hearing compliments directed at you. When someone praises you to another person, it feels more authentic—you’re not just being buttered up; it’s a sign of true appreciation. Sharing good things about the people we care about with others communicates a powerful message: “I value you so much that I want the world to know.”
As a result, I’ve made a conscious effort to change my language around my kids when they can hear me. Does this mean I refrain from venting to my husband or friends? Absolutely not! We all have our moments of frustration. However, I try to save those rants for when they’re not around.
Just the other day, during my son’s soccer game, he paused to assist a teammate who had fallen while the game continued. When I recounted the story to his dad and siblings, I made sure he could hear me. “Jake showed such great sportsmanship today,” I beamed. “I was so proud of him!”
I hoped that by highlighting his good behavior in front of him, I could counteract some of the negativity that may have built up from my previous complaints. Judging by the smile on his face, it seemed to work.
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In summary, public praise for our children can significantly influence their self-esteem and behavior. By focusing more on the positive and sharing it with others, we create an environment that fosters confidence and happiness.