When my daughter was just a baby, her father and I found ourselves navigating the challenges of a long-distance relationship. After four years together, I genuinely believed we were headed towards marriage. However, after two years of struggling to make the long-distance thing work, I made the difficult decision to end it. That was almost a year ago.
Since then, I’ve had friends suggesting that I should start dating again, insisting it would be good for me. But honestly? I have zero interest in dating right now. It’s simply not on my radar. It might sound cliché, but I’m genuinely using this time to focus on myself and the things that matter most to me. After spending so long in a partnership, even when we weren’t physically together, I often felt like a “we” instead of an “I.” Now, I’m prioritizing rediscovering who I am as an individual before considering bringing someone else into my life.
I actually enjoy being single. Ever since I was a child, I’ve been comfortable in my own company. Growing up as an only child taught me to entertain myself, and as I’ve matured, I’ve grown increasingly at ease with solitude. I relish my independence—having the freedom to make my own decisions without needing anyone else’s input. I can decorate my space however I like, eat what I want, and come and go as I please. I can stay up late without worrying about keeping someone else awake. I can indulge in my guilty pleasure of dancing to cheesy 90s pop music without judgment. I don’t have to account for how I spend my money or share closet space. Instead, I can spread my belongings across the bathroom counter and pamper myself freely. This period is about rediscovering my identity as an adult.
Having spent a significant portion of my twenties in a relationship, I recognize that I’ve changed a lot since I was 23. Now, as I approach 31, my perspective on life, particularly as a mother, is vastly different. Casual dating has never been my forte. Even in my younger years, I could only focus on one person at a time, and inevitably those relationships ended, whether through heartbreak or a natural conclusion. It takes me a considerable amount of time to process feelings when I genuinely care about someone, so the idea of dating casually just isn’t feasible for me anymore. Plus, as a busy mom, I simply don’t have the time or emotional bandwidth for that kind of connection.
My daughter and I have forged a truly special bond, and I’m not ready to let anyone disrupt that. I also worry about introducing her to someone new. What if she forms an attachment, and then the relationship doesn’t work out? She doesn’t have a close relationship with her father, who lives far away, so she tends to latch onto male role models. I couldn’t bear to hurt her like that. I know it’s a challenge to find the right person without encountering some duds along the way, and I’m just not prepared for that journey right now.
What about intimacy, you might wonder? My friends seem to think that my lack of a romantic connection means I’m missing out. Honestly? I’ve turned off that part of my brain. It may sound strange, and yes, it’s not always easy, but I trust that everything will fall into place when the time is right. I was a late bloomer in that department, waiting until I was 20, and even then, my experiences were sporadic until I was in a relationship with my ex. Of course, I miss intimacy—I’m human after all—but it’s just not something I can prioritize right now. When the moment is right, it’ll happen. I’m not about to join Tinder just to appease my friends.
One of the most rewarding aspects of being single has been my ability to concentrate on my career. This focus has been incredibly beneficial for me as a single mother, both financially and personally. With a more flexible schedule, I’ve been able to devote time to my writing, a passion that has finally started to bear fruit after years of effort. I love what I do, and I doubt I would have found the time or drive to pursue it if I were also juggling a relationship.
Ultimately, I believe that when love is meant to find me, it will. As Diana Ross famously said, “You can’t hurry love; you just have to wait.” I appreciate my friends’ concern because they want to see me happy, but for the first time in a long while, I genuinely am happy. I have a wonderful daughter who brings me immeasurable joy, a career that’s finally taking off, and a strong support system in my friends and family. At this stage in my life, a romantic partner would simply be the cherry on top, and for now, I’m content without the icing.
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In summary, being a single mom right now means focusing on self-discovery and personal growth. While dating might be on the horizon eventually, my current priorities are centered around my daughter, my career, and nurturing my own happiness.