Three days post-honeymoon, I made an impulsive decision that shocked even me—I chopped off nearly a foot of hair I’d spent a year and a half growing for our wedding. I didn’t consult my husband about it, nor did I seek his permission. It was a spontaneous act, sparked by a stylish cut I spotted in a magazine while chatting with a coworker. If my husband were to ask me for permission before getting a haircut, I’d find that pretty strange, so why should I do the same?
This attitude likely stems from my experiences as a teenager. In seventh grade, I longed for a chic asymmetrical hairstyle that was all the rage. When I asked my dad, he flatly refused, leaving me to sulk on my bed as I flipped through fashion magazines. I didn’t understand why I had to seek approval for something as simple as a haircut. It was mine, after all.
These formative experiences shaped my desire to avoid restrictions in my life. I believe in making my choices without needing to be granted permission—not from my partner, friends, or societal norms. This doesn’t mean I’m a rebel without a cause; rather, I’m an adult eager to embrace the freedom that comes with making my own decisions. After all, I waited long enough to enjoy this autonomy.
When it comes to major life choices—like purchasing a house or investing money—my husband and I are a team and discuss everything together. However, for decisions that affect only me, like changing my hairstyle, getting a tattoo, or buying that pair of jeans I love, I don’t ask. I simply take action, and my husband appreciates that quality about me. It’s one of the reasons he chose to marry me, and I remind him of it often, especially when my online shopping deliveries show up on our doorstep.
I’m also known to take the lead on planning vacations or redecorating our living space, both of which I enjoy. My husband loves surprises, so these spontaneous decisions often bring joy to our lives. If I want to plan a weekend getaway with my friend Sarah, I’ll say, “I’m planning a weekend in the city with Sarah,” rather than asking for permission. We’ll check our schedules to ensure there are no conflicts, and off I go.
As parents, it’s essential for our children to see us making confident decisions as a couple. If they saw us seeking permission from one another, it could send the message that we lack trust in each other’s judgment. My husband is not my child, but my partner; I expect the same level of respect in return. When he came home with a third kayak, I didn’t bat an eye or question him. He bought it because it brought him joy, and we could afford it, so why not?
However, I must confess that after stepping back from my job, I felt the need to seek approval for spending money since I wasn’t earning an income. This feeling changed quickly when my sister Janet, who I adore, told me, “Stop asking for permission! You contribute just as much.” Her words hit home, and I realized my reluctance was altering the dynamic in our relationship. My husband didn’t want me to feel like I had to ask for permission, just as I wouldn’t want him to do the same.
Whether you’re a working professional or a stay-at-home parent, partnerships should be rooted in equality. Seeking permission to make small purchases or decisions can feel demeaning. We are a team, navigating life together, but we’re also individuals capable of making our own choices. For significant family decisions, we discuss the pros and cons together, but asking for permission is never part of the equation.
Ultimately, one of the greatest joys of adulthood is the freedom to make your own choices. I love being able to decide what’s best for me, sometimes with my husband’s support, sometimes without it. But I’ll be honest—if he surprises me with yet another kayak, I might just lose it.
For more insights into navigating relationships and family dynamics, check out this post on Cervical Insemination. If you’re considering at-home insemination options, Make a Mom offers reputable syringe kits to help you along the way. And for excellent resources on home insemination and pregnancy success rates, WebMD provides valuable information.
In summary, navigating decisions in a relationship requires a balance of mutual respect and autonomy. It’s essential to communicate effectively without feeling the need to seek permission, allowing both partners to thrive as individuals while working together as a team.