One day, my children will undoubtedly ask me how I knew their father was the one for me. They might read a fairy tale and dream of perfect love or watch a movie that sparks thoughts of their own first crushes. As they stand on the brink of adulthood, alongside a significant other, they’ll wonder about the nature of lifelong commitment.
I will respond with honesty, as I always do, tailoring my message to their age and readiness to grasp the truth about love. I want to inspire them to believe in something that can easily be questioned. My own journey with love was filled with doubt, largely stemming from my previous dating experiences rather than any shortcomings of my husband.
I remember our early days together when he gifted me a collection of my favorite romantic comedies—a thoughtful gesture based on our many conversations. In return, I laid my heart, albeit a little jaded, on the table. I expressed my love for him, but with conditions, listing what could lead to my love fading away—all during a candlelit dinner on Valentine’s Day.
I believe we often shy away from honest conversations about love with our children and even with ourselves. Love can encompass grand gestures, like surprise flowers or candlelit dinners, but those moments often come with a high risk of misunderstanding. It’s easy to feel affection when someone is saying and doing all the right things, which my husband does frequently. However, those moments aren’t the ones I plan to share with my kids.
True love is also found in the tough times—through losses, sadness, and moments that break your heart. Those instances force you to lean on your loved ones for comfort, and while they can inspire declarations of love, they don’t define my marriage as I once thought they would.
The love I will encourage my children to seek is the one that thrives in the everyday moments of life. It’s the small acts, like when my husband remembers to bring me a glass of water before bed, knowing that I’ll be nursing our baby all night. It’s the love that prompts him to tell our kids, “Mommy is the smart one,” ensuring they hear his admiration for me. It’s the kind of love that remains when we argue in front of them, demonstrating that disagreement can coexist with respect, mostly.
It’s a tapestry of moments stitched together through conversations and daily gestures that reveal the depth of our bond. And to illustrate this for my children, there’s a specific moment that stands out from just last weekend.
My husband enjoys having fun and spending time with friends, but he typically isn’t one for costume parties. I, on the other hand, have always embraced themes wholeheartedly. So when we had the chance to attend an ’80s party, I dove into preparation, planning my outfit for weeks without even considering what he might wear.
You can imagine my astonishment when, as he was trimming his beard before the party, he casually asked, “Should I just shave it all off and go for a mustache tonight?” Not wanting to pressure him, I told him to do whatever he felt like.
Then, just as I was about to leave the bathroom, I heard him exclaim, “Screw it!” I turned around to find my husband—normally clad in polo shirts—sporting the most outrageous, creepy-looking mustache you could imagine.
In that moment, I felt a surge of affection for him. “This,” I said, laughing, “is why I married you. Your dedication to a theme is unmatched.”
I will share this memory with my kids one day. It may not be the grandest or most romantic moment, but it perfectly encapsulates why I chose to spend my life with my best friend. This is the man who will go to great lengths to make me laugh, even if it means donning a ridiculous mustache. I hope my children find a love that inspires them to do the same.
In conclusion, love is more than grand gestures; it is built on the foundation of everyday moments and shared experiences. It’s about finding joy in the little things and embracing each other’s quirks.
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