When my daughter arrived, she was absolutely perfect — ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes, and the sweetest little features. In that moment, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Like many new parents, I was overwhelmed with pride and joy, convinced that my little one was the most extraordinary baby ever born.
As she grew, however, I began to notice that, alongside her being the most enchanting child, she was different. To the casual observer, she looked like any other adorable baby, displaying all the typical behaviors: radiant smiles, giggles, wiggling her arms and legs, and even the occasional diaper mishap. But as the months rolled by, I realized she struggled more than most. At eight months, she showed no interest in solid foods, and as her peers began to walk, she was still mastering the art of the army crawl. It wasn’t until after her first birthday that she began to crawl on her hands and knees. Concerned, I reached out to early intervention services, and after several assessments, we received a diagnosis of cerebral palsy.
Throughout my life, I had always valued kindness and respect for others. Yet, I must admit that I harbored a certain discomfort around individuals with disabilities. I often didn’t know how to interact with them. Should I acknowledge their disability, or act as though it didn’t exist? What was considered rude versus sensitive? This uncertainty made me feel awkward in those situations.
Before my daughter was born, I found myself in a job at a vocational rehabilitation program, working with adults who had developmental disabilities. If I hadn’t been actively seeking employment, I might have steered clear of that role. My unease made me hesitant, but little did I know that this experience would become instrumental in preparing me for parenthood.
During my time there, I learned crucial advocacy skills, understood disability laws, and became acquainted with the history of oppression experienced by individuals with disabilities. Most importantly, I forged deep connections with people who had profound disabilities and heard their stories. This experience significantly eased my discomfort around them. I learned to communicate with those whose speech was sometimes challenging to understand and recognized that everyone, regardless of their physical or cognitive abilities, has something valuable to contribute. I truly grasped that every person deserves dignity — to be seen, heard, valued, and involved in decisions that affect their lives.
The Impact of Ableism
Ableism encompasses not only the discrimination faced by individuals with disabilities but also the societal structures designed for those who are typically abled. Despite nearly one in five Americans living with a disability, ableism often remains unaddressed in discussions about social justice. While terms like racism, sexism, and ageism have gained recognition, the struggles of people with disabilities frequently go unnoticed.
The invisibility of disabilities in our society is striking. Consider how few television shows feature characters with disabilities, particularly those whose stories don’t revolve around their disabilities. Even rarer are characters with disabilities portrayed by actors who share those experiences. For instance, if the only character who comes to mind is Chrissy from Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, it’s not just because you’ve watched it countless times. Chrissy stands out as one of the very few characters on television who has a visible disability, and even then, her experience is often overshadowed by the able-bodied narratives that dominate the media landscape.
Additionally, ableism manifests in various ways, from the blatant mockery of individuals with disabilities to inadequate accommodations in public spaces. Although laws like the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) aim to protect against discrimination, these protections do not automatically lead to genuine inclusion. For instance, simply adding one large stall in a restroom doesn’t equate to thoughtful design that accommodates individuals with diverse abilities.
Language and Attitudes
Ableism is also evident in our attitudes and language. When we express pity for those with disabilities or assume they need “fixing,” we engage in ableism. Asking what caused someone’s disability, as if we’re trying to solve a mystery, is another form of ableism. Similarly, presuming that someone with a disability has a lesser quality of life or is incapable of independence perpetuates these harmful beliefs.
Our everyday language can be riddled with ableist undertones. Even today, many are unaware that the R-word is an offensive slur. Jokes about “the short bus” reflect a cruel disregard for children with disabilities. Furthermore, individuals who grew up in the ’90s often struggle to let go of the term “lame,” and using “crazy” to describe frustrating situations carries ableist implications. We must recognize that using a word negatively assigns that negativity to the original meaning, even if unintentional.
Fostering Understanding
Challenging these ingrained habits can be uncomfortable. It’s easy to feel defensive and dismissive when confronted with the idea that our language and attitudes may be harmful. Yet, it’s crucial to view the world through a lens of equity. As we become aware of the inequities faced by individuals with disabilities, we begin to notice them more frequently, which can foster a greater sense of responsibility to address them.
As we navigate these conversations, it’s essential to embrace “person-first language.” This means referring to individuals as people with disabilities, rather than disabled people. It may seem like a minor distinction, but it emphasizes that their disability is just one aspect of their identity, not their defining characteristic.
Typically abled individuals often don’t have to grapple with the realities of disabilities, leading to a lack of discussion around these topics. When children notice differences in others, our instinct can be to hush them. However, differences should be celebrated, not ignored.
When your child notices someone in the grocery store with a prosthetic limb or asks about a child’s mobility aid, encourage curiosity rather than silence. Answer their questions honestly and directly—your comfort level will shape their understanding. By fostering a respectful dialogue about differences, we equip our children to empathize with others, ultimately helping to create a kinder, more equitable world.
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Conclusion
In summary, recognizing and addressing ableism is vital for fostering understanding and respect for individuals with disabilities. By engaging in open conversations and challenging our perceptions, we can contribute to a more inclusive society that celebrates the richness of our differences.