As a mother and a certified life coach, I firmly believe in promoting self-discovery in children and teaching them to value the differences among individuals. One of my primary aims as a parent is to ensure my children grow up with a strong sense of self, rather than trying to fit into a mold I’ve created for them. Surprisingly, I’ve come across a few popular opinions advocating against the necessity of teaching children basic polite phrases like “Please,” “Thank you,” and “I’m sorry.” The argument is that enforcing these phrases may lead to children saying things they don’t genuinely feel, ultimately teaching them to obey rather than to embrace their true selves. While I appreciate the intention behind this perspective, I respectfully disagree. Here are four compelling reasons why instilling manners in our children remains vital:
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Mitigating Entitlement
Kids who aren’t taught to express gratitude or to ask politely may develop a sense of entitlement. When we encourage them to say “thank you” or to use “please,” we help them recognize the importance of valuing others. It’s one thing to desire a piece of candy, but it’s another to ask for it graciously. This small act of politeness can significantly reduce any sense of entitlement that might be budding. It’s not merely about compliance; it’s about fostering a genuine appreciation for others. -
Fostering Mutual Respect
Respect is not an inherent trait; it must be cultivated. Children can be naturally selfish, and without guidance, they may treat others with a demanding attitude. When I started teaching my son to say “thank you” at just two years old, he soon began applying this lesson in various social settings. He learned that everyone who helped him deserved recognition. Although he won’t always get it right, laying the groundwork for respect early on is invaluable. -
Nurturing Empathy
When one of my children inadvertently hurts another child, it’s crucial for them to apologize—not only as a sign of respect but also to foster empathy. Saying “I’m sorry” can prompt reflection on their actions and how those actions affected others. While they may not feel remorse initially, it encourages them to consider the feelings of those around them. Empathy is a critical skill that can easily be overlooked if not actively encouraged. -
What If We’re Wrong?
I’ll admit, it would be much easier to forgo insisting on “please,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry.” The idea of raising children who are inherently gracious and empathetic without these prompts is enticing. However, what if this approach is misguided? What if we end up raising a generation that lacks gratitude and fails to understand the essence of forgiveness? If the goal of teaching manners shifts from mere obedience to promoting respect, empathy, and gratitude, then we’re likely on the right path.
As a parent, I know I make my fair share of mistakes, but instilling manners is a responsibility I take seriously. So far, I’ve witnessed more positive outcomes from emphasizing polite expressions than if I had dismissed them entirely.
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Summary
Teaching children to use polite phrases like “please,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry” is essential for mitigating entitlement, fostering mutual respect, nurturing empathy, and challenging the notion of raising self-centered individuals. Encouraging these behaviors can significantly impact their development and social interactions.