“Are you always this loud?”
“Why do you have to be so aggressive?”
“You’re being a bit too much.”
“You need to tone it down.”
“That’s not very ladylike.”
“You come off as harsh.”
I’ve heard it all. I’m deemed too loud, too enthusiastic, too assertive, too sensitive. The reality? I embody many of those traits, but I refuse to accept that I’m “too” much of any of them.
The issue (for others) stems from the fact that I’m a woman who communicates openly and directly. I don’t constantly apologize or preface my statements with “I’m sorry, but…” or “I don’t mean to sound rude, but….” I’m not disrespectful or unkind; I simply choose not to sugarcoat my words to fit a more palatable mold. The patriarchy can take a hike.
I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve been told I “talk like a man,” and it’s not due to my colorful language; it’s about how I express my thoughts and needs without hesitation. I voice my feelings and opinions. I don’t coerce anyone into conversations, but I refuse to remain silent when I feel wronged or believe I deserve better. If I want a raise, I won’t hesitate to ask. If someone hurts me, I’ll address it directly so we can move on. Since when did being honest and straightforward become a “manly” trait? Those qualities belong to all genders, yet when a woman exhibits them, she’s labeled as “bitchy” or “demanding.” Yes, I can be those things (as can you), especially when faced with negative stereotypes, but that doesn’t define me any more than my imperfections do.
I’m not too bold, loud, or aggressive. I’m fiercely passionate. Whether it’s about parenting my incredible kids, advocating for social justice, diving into great books, or searching for the best coffee on the West Coast (Stumptown, anyone?), I’m all in. I care deeply about feminism, intersectionality, equal rights, and paid parental leave. (The patriarchy certainly doesn’t appreciate passionate women because we get things done.)
Since childhood, I’ve been told to “calm down” or “relax.” For a long time, I internalized those messages, feeling self-conscious about my loud voice, awkward laugh, or exuberance. But as I grew, I realized these traits helped me achieve my goals, make my voice heard, and bring joy to others. And you know what? I love making people laugh. I’m not overly hyper; I’m witty and sarcastic. I’m not too loud; I’m bold and courageous.
And I absolutely won’t be told to “calm down.” Pursuing your passions means embracing who you are, which often means being unapologetically loud and passionate. I refuse to let anyone belittle the qualities I take pride in. If you condescend and tell me to chill, I’ll stand my ground. I communicate assertively, remember? I can’t just stay calm and dismantle the patriarchy, so changing who I am isn’t an option, nor do I want it to be. This is my authentic self.
The stereotype of women being “crazy” or overly emotional is nothing new. When women express anger, sadness, or frustration, society tends to shut us down, labeling us as “too emotional” or “unstable.” We can’t let that happen anymore! Sure, we may feel deeply, but there’s so much in the world worth feeling about right now. The world is both beautiful and brutal, and we need to fight for a better future for our children.
So yes, as we challenge the status quo, we’re going to express our emotions. It’s healthy, it’s necessary, and there’s absolutely no shame in it. I won’t bottle my feelings just to appear more composed. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I honestly don’t care what anyone thinks about that. If that’s “too much” for someone, they can take a hike or hit the unfollow button.
Ladies, if this resonates with you, know that you are not “too much” of anything. Don’t let your partners, friends, family, or colleagues hold you back. Society may try to make you feel like an outsider, but that’s only because you’re rising to embrace your true self, demanding progress, and saying “no more.” Don’t let the patriarchy push you down any longer. Stay passionate. Stay loud. Keep pushing forward. The world needs you now more than ever.
Solidarity.
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Summary
This article champions women who have been labeled as “too much” for being direct, passionate, and assertive. It encourages women to embrace their authentic selves without fear of societal judgment. The piece emphasizes the importance of expressing emotions and standing strong against patriarchal norms, urging women to remain bold and passionate in their pursuits.