Growing up, my household was filled with raised voices. It seemed perfectly normal at the time, but it wasn’t until I became a parent that I began to question the impact of yelling. One day, after losing my voice, I seriously contemplated whether my habit of shouting was damaging both to myself and to my kids.
Yelling often stems from frustration or the need to be heard amid the chaos that comes with parenting. Regardless of the reason, it quickly turns into a cycle where children become unresponsive, and parents grapple with feelings of guilt and anger over their choice to yell. It’s a vicious cycle that I decided to break.
Initially, I thought quitting yelling would be straightforward, but I soon realized it was akin to quitting smoking or swearing. It’s incredibly challenging, and setbacks are common before you find a steady path toward success.
The Turning Point
The turning point for me was understanding the complex reasons behind my yelling. I had no idea how to manage my children’s behavior, a tough admission for any parent. No amount of babysitting or camp counseling prepared me for the moment when my child did exactly what I told them not to do. It’s a natural part of childhood, but it left me feeling overwhelmed and led to me raising my voice.
I also held the belief that as the parent, I was always right, and my children needed to respect my authority. While respect is crucial, I learned that it is a two-way street. Confusing fear with respect only led to more disobedience from my kids.
Understanding Misbehavior
When my children misbehave, it’s often because they are tired, hungry, or struggling to express their feelings. Sarcastic remarks are just their way of asserting independence, albeit in an imperfect manner. Instead of taking a moment to breathe and understand that my role is to guide them through their emotions, I would yell, viewing the situation as a need for control rather than a teachable moment. I often found myself too exhausted to invest the effort, a sentiment that many parents can relate to.
Embracing Teaching Moments
Embracing each moment as an opportunity for teaching has revealed that yelling is more about my emotional responses than my kids’ behavior. When my children scatter toys across a freshly cleaned floor, my frustration is rooted in my own feelings rather than their actions. I now remind myself to pause, evaluate the situation, and decide on an appropriate response without resorting to yelling. It’s not an easy task; in fact, it’s often quite difficult as I continue to learn how to manage my impulses.
Self-Discovery Through Parenting
Removing yelling from my parenting style has compelled me to examine my own triggers and offer myself the compassion to understand my need to raise my voice. I’ve discovered that I struggle with control and fear, and like my children, I sometimes just need to rest or nourish myself. Recognizing these moments is essential for my growth as a parent.
Yelling doesn’t define me as a bad parent, but choosing to find alternative methods has allowed me to forge enriching relationships with my children based on respect, trust, and empathy. I may not be a perfect parent, but I strive to be the kind of parent my kids need right now—one who listens more and yells less.
Further Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, stepping away from yelling has opened doors to self-discovery and deeper connections with my kids. It’s a continuous process, but the rewards of patience and understanding are worth the effort.