I find it hard to believe that someone would approach me in a grocery store and say, “I’m so sorry you don’t have red hair,” or “Your outfit is nice, but it could really use a scarf.” That would be ridiculous, right? For a complete stranger to criticize me based solely on their perceptions while I navigate the aisles with my shopping cart?
Yet, it’s not as far-fetched as it seems. This kind of judgment happens all the time, but instead of my appearance, it’s about my kids. I have four boys, and let’s be honest—people love to share their unsolicited opinions about larger families. You know the drill: “You know what causes that, right?!” They seem to think that my life is somehow less because I haven’t added a “little princess” to my squad of boys.
Sometimes I don’t mind the comments, especially when folks share their own stories about raising sons and how it brings them joy. But the pity? That’s what really gets under my skin. The sympathetic glances, the comments like “Bless your heart” or “You’ve got your hands full,” spoken with a tone that screams, “Wow, your life must be chaotic!” It’s as if my boys somehow make my family incomplete.
This became painfully apparent when I was pregnant with my fourth son. Whenever I revealed that it was another boy, the disappointment in people’s eyes was palpable. Even my own relatives, whom I expected to be supportive, offered apologies. Yes, apologies for not delivering the “right” gender. What are you supposed to say when someone implies that the baby you’re eagerly anticipating isn’t what you should have wanted? It’s a miracle I didn’t lash out during that pregnancy.
I know parents of all girls can relate. When you have children of the same gender, people seem to think they have the right to assume you’re unhappy with what you have and to pry into your plans for more kids. If I had a dime for every time someone asked if my husband and I were going to “try for a girl,” I could fund an entire adoption of daughters. After enduring years of infertility before welcoming our first son, the thought that I should somehow feel incomplete with my boys makes my blood boil.
What’s worse is that these comments are often made in front of my sons, sending the message that they’re not enough. That’s one reason there won’t be any more babies in our future. God forbid we have a girl who validates the idea that we somehow “failed” by not getting a daughter first. I want my boys to know they are perfect just as they are. I lack nothing, and my heart is full of love thanks to them. They are my everything.
I’m raising a wonderful family, filled with four incredible boys who are miracles in their own right. So why on earth should anyone feel sorry for me? If you’re interested in more about parenting and family dynamics, check out this insightful post on infertility and family planning. For those considering home insemination, you can find reputable products at Make a Mom that offer at-home insemination kits. Also, for further reading on pregnancy and home insemination, I highly recommend Rmany’s excellent blog.
Summary
Having four boys often invites unwarranted sympathy and judgment from others. Despite societal pressures and unsolicited opinions, the author embraces her family and the joy her sons bring her. She encourages others to find fulfillment in their unique family dynamics and highlights resources for those exploring family planning options.