Let’s face it: life can often be more challenging than we anticipate. Perhaps we set our expectations too high, or maybe we buy into those fairy-tale narratives too soon—think Prince Charming, white picket fences, and glass slippers. But let’s get real. How many frogs do you have to kiss before finding your “Cinderelly”? And that ideal picket fence? It just means you’re on the HOA’s radar. And glass slippers? Please, I’m more about my trusty Hunter boots, thank you very much.
When I was just 10, I was already mapping out my future. Influenced by the lyrical genius of artists like Whitney Houston, I created a vision for myself.
At the same age, I experienced my first crush. His name was Mark, and he lived nearby in our working-class neighborhood in New Jersey. He was way out of my league, but that didn’t matter in the realm of childhood romance.
I had my list of dreams, and it made me feel organized.
- Have children
- Be a great parent
- Let my kids lead their own paths
- Marry my dream guy
Over the years, I realized my checklist needed some serious updating. I imagined the perfect life: a successful career, being a loving wife, and tossing my smiling kids into the air with ease. Sure, I might have taken a few artistic liberties with my visions, but I believed the future had wonderful things lined up for me—like “yoga” and “luxurious hair treatments.”
In my idealistic daydreams, I was always a generous, selfless mother—fit and stylish, thanks to yoga and good hair care. I just didn’t grasp how complicated my checklists would become.
- Cook nutritious meals for the family
- Maintain a toned physique while working out
- Juggle a demanding job while keeping the romance alive
- Raise well-rounded and respectful kids without ever turning on the TV
I thought my lists would be a breeze to manage. I even imagined making my checkmarks look beautiful in calligraphy. But as life unfolded, I realized I was far from prepared for the reality of motherhood.
Let me be candid: I hit a breaking point when I struggled with something that seems second nature for many women—breastfeeding.
“Breast is best.” I knew this mantra well, and I had every intention of making it happen. But the reality didn’t align with my plans. Instead of recounting every detail of my struggles, I’ll just say it didn’t go as I hoped. I can’t always articulate why it didn’t work, nor do I have the energy to justify my efforts to others. What stings more is when someone asks not if I breastfed, but how long I managed to do it.
I genuinely admire my friends who have successfully navigated this journey. They share stories of their overflowing milk supply and the special moments they’ve shared with their babies. I listened intently, even when they commiserated over sore nipples—believe me, I was ready for that challenge.
Sometimes, checklists require revisions. For instance, I had to cross off “Manage sore nipples.” I recall scrolling through Facebook one day and coming across a friend’s post ranting about a formula company sending her a sample. She was infuriated and ready to blast them for delivering that “poison” to her doorstep.
I thought about commenting that I would happily take it off her hands since I was driving through her neighborhood. But honestly, I refrained only because my son was on a different formula.
Even now, I occasionally feel a pang of guilt over my breastfeeding experience. I can’t help but wonder if my choices have impacted my children. It’s a nagging concern when my daughter has an ear infection or when my son insists he’s a cat. I sometimes think, “Did my decision not to breastfeed play a role in this?”
But playing that game only detracts from the positives I’m doing as a parent. I have no clue why my son thinks he’s a feline or if their colds stem from me or that sneezing child they played with the other day.
For the moment, my checklists have evolved.
- Focus on happiness
- Smile
- Remember that our children are the future and try not to mess them up too badly
And you know what? This checklist works just fine for me. If you’re interested in exploring more about parenting and fertility, check out this insightful blog post on Cervical Insemination and consider looking into Make a Mom for reliable at-home insemination supplies. If you want to delve deeper into topics like IVF and fertility preservation, visit Cleveland Clinic’s podcast.
Summary:
The journey of motherhood often comes with unexpected challenges, and breastfeeding can be one of the most daunting tasks for many women. It’s essential to recognize that personal experiences vary, and feelings of guilt or inadequacy are common. It’s okay to adjust expectations and prioritize happiness over perfection in parenting. Embracing this new approach can make the parenting journey more fulfilling.