Dear fellow parents,
When I say, “We must educate our sons on consent,” I mean we need to begin this crucial conversation at a young age. Start small, while they are still impressionable and learning about the world around them.
Instilling Respect for Their Own Bodies
Begin by instilling respect for their own bodies. We guide them to eat nutritious foods, wash their hands regularly, and change their underwear daily—even if they are reluctant to part with their favorite superhero briefs. Teach them that snatching toys from their friends is unfair; they must learn to wait, ask for permission, and practice kindness. Sharing is not just a lesson; it’s a fundamental part of interacting with others.
Understanding the Impact of Their Words
Help them understand the impact of their words when talking about girls. If they say something like, “I don’t want to throw like a girl,” respond with, “Why? Are you worried you might throw too far?” Use your everyday language to demonstrate that sexist remarks are unacceptable in your home, and convey that belittling words about women will not be tolerated.
Reinforcing Body Autonomy
Reinforce the idea that their bodies belong to them. They have the right to dictate who can touch them and when. Drill this concept into their minds: the individual who inhabits the body decides who can touch it. This principle extends to others; they must seek consent before touching anyone else. Establish what kind of physical interaction is deemed appropriate in your family.
Creating a Safe Haven
Show them daily that your home is a safe haven where they can express themselves openly. If they ever feel uncomfortable or report any inappropriate touching, listen intently. Don’t dismiss their feelings with comments like, “But Uncle Joe is just so fun!”
Expanding the Conversation
As they grow, expand the conversation. The principle of personal space and consent remains relevant throughout life, though the language may evolve. Say things like, “If she says no, take a step back,” or “If she only wants a kiss, respect that boundary.” Emphasize that just because someone may have acted unkindly, it doesn’t give them the right to speak poorly about her to their friends.
Discussing Complex Subjects
When the time is right, discuss more complex subjects such as safe sex and consent. Show them what a condom is and explain that possessing one doesn’t grant them entitlement to sex. When they are old enough to understand, address the harsh realities of sexual violence. Make it clear that it is abhorrent and never permissible under any circumstances.
Ongoing Commitment to Respect
Continually reinforce that girls and women deserve equal treatment. The notion of consent should not be a fleeting topic; it is an ongoing commitment to respectful and ethical living.
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Summary
Teaching our sons about consent starts with small lessons on respect and kindness. As they grow, these conversations should evolve to address issues of personal boundaries, safe interactions, and the importance of consent. By fostering an environment of open dialogue, we can help shape a future where respect and equality prevail.