My sons have a collection of toys that could easily be mistaken for a mini arsenal. Their weaponry box is overflowing with an eclectic mix of swords, laser guns, light sabers, and even a few “pirate swords.” They engage in playful battles, often clashing their weapons (and sometimes each other’s foreheads) in joyous chaos. When my cousin, who isn’t used to the antics of small children, came to visit, she was met with a whirlwind of sword fights and couch jumping that would make any action movie proud. I could practically see her weighing her options for a quick hotel stay.
“What, did she think they were going to sit quietly and color?” I quipped to my partner. “My brother and I were like this, and I guess that’s the last time she saw young kids. Did she expect them to behave like girls?”
I want to clarify that I don’t hold any sexist views. I recognize that girls can wield swords, jump off couches, and engage in rambunctious play just as well as boys can. I fully support my sons exploring their interests, but the narrative from the 70s and 80s suggested that as long as boys and girls could don pink or play football, their differences were purely a result of parenting. This notion is simply incorrect.
You might have believed this myth too. I certainly did. I made a conscious effort to provide my sons with dolls and stuffed animals, only to find that they rarely engaged with them. More often than not, their dolls were dragged around by the ankles, used as props in their fort-building escapades. Despite the nurturing environment we create, they seem to have little interest in caring for pretend babies. My nephew shares this sentiment, as do many boys I know, all raised in open-minded households where wearing dresses is celebrated.
While these examples are anecdotal, scientific research corroborates the existence of inherent differences between male and female brains. According to Live Science, most experts agree that while we do socialize boys and girls differently, biological factors play a significant role. Diane Halpern, a psychology professor with decades of research in gender cognition, suggests that male brains are often oriented towards motor skills (which, in layman’s terms, translates to “rough play”), while female brains tend to excel in analytical and intuitive thinking.
This isn’t to say that boys can’t appreciate art or that girls can’t be competitive. My young son can spend hours drawing, and I’ve witnessed many girls who are just as capable of playful roughhousing. However, these general tendencies shape how children typically express themselves.
Another study highlights the commonly accepted idea that women generally possess superior verbal memory and social cognition, while men tend to excel in motor and spatial skills. This could explain why boys often develop language skills at a slower pace than girls, who typically become the chatty ones in social settings. My boys went through that phase too, wherein they communicated primarily through grunts rather than words.
Girls also seem to have an edge in reading emotional cues. Research compiled by What to Expect shows that girls are better at interpreting emotions based on facial expressions, which may contribute to the perception that they are more well-behaved. Since girls can more easily read their caregivers’ emotions, they may respond to instructions more effectively than boys, who might miss the emotional cues. Again, this is a generalization; my boys have their good days and bad days, just like girls do.
However, across the board, it’s been noted that girls tend to exhibit superior social and behavioral skills, which can lead to better grades in school, as reported by NEA Today. While socialization plays a part, biology is an undeniable factor.
Yes, we do often parent boys and girls differently. We might gift a boy a football while handing a girl a doll, and we may expect more mischief from boys. But ultimately, little boys and girls are distinct from one another on a biological level. My sons gravitate towards shows like Dinotrux and Dinosaur Train, rather than My Little Pony, no matter how often I attempt to introduce them to different themes. They prefer action over drawing, and I’ve noted that the little girls in their lives are usually much better at recognizing emotions.
I once thought we might be doing something wrong in raising our boys, but it turns out that biology has its own agenda.
As progressive parents, we can let go of the guilt associated with our sons using baby dolls as projectiles or our daughters tucking toy trucks into bed. We can offer both swords and princess outfits, but it’s likely the boys will lean towards the swords and the girls towards the dresses. This is biology at play, and it’s perfectly acceptable.
For more insights on parenting and child development, check out this informative blog post on biological differences. If you’re interested in at-home insemination options, Make a Mom offers a great selection of syringes and kits. Additionally, the CDC provides an excellent resource for information about pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while there are undeniable societal influences on how we raise our children, the biological differences between boys and girls are real. Embracing these differences doesn’t make us less progressive; rather, it can help us understand our children better and support their individual interests.