When my partner and I embarked on our relationship, we faced the challenge of long-distance love. Unlike today’s digital age filled with instant messaging and video calls, we relied on heartfelt phone conversations, handwritten letters, and the occasional surprise care package. Our courtship felt like a romantic throwback, filled with genuine gestures that kept the flame alive. I remember the delight of finding a letter waiting for me after a long day, or the day he sent me a bottle of sand from our first date beach. These moments made the distance feel manageable and kept us connected.
Fast forward to marriage, homeownership, and kids, and the romance took a backseat. Instead of candlelit dinners, romance transformed into practical acts like taking the night shift for feedings or approving new appliances. While we maintained a strong connection, the passion simmered down to a comfortable routine—akin to a lukewarm cup of coffee we often forgot to reheat. For a time, this felt adequate. We were focused on parenting, and romance seemed like a luxury we couldn’t afford.
However, as we faced some challenges in our marriage, I began to realize that romance is crucial at every stage of a relationship. It may not require grand gestures like those in movies, but rather small, intentional moments that help nurture our bond. During a therapy session, our counselor introduced the concept of “we moments”—shared experiences that can help couples navigate conflicts. Whether it’s setting aside time for date nights, enjoying quiet evenings together, or simply relishing a glass of wine while the kids create chaos, these moments can mend the small cracks in a relationship.
Recently, a friend and I debated the importance of romance versus companionship in relationships. He argued that chasing constant romance could lead to dissatisfaction, especially if one partner is more adept at romantic gestures. We discussed how the unrealistic portrayals of romance in media could leave couples feeling inadequate. While I respect his viewpoint, I firmly believe that romance, when woven into the fabric of daily life, isn’t just a bonus; it’s a necessity.
Embracing romance requires effort and intention. As my partner and I worked to rekindle our romantic connection, I found that romance isn’t always easy to cultivate, especially during hectic days. Yet, small acts of kindness and revisiting cherished memories over a glass of wine have shown me that a touch of romance is essential for feeling fulfilled in my relationship. It appears my partner feels the same way.
At a wedding we attended recently, my partner discreetly asked the DJ to play our wedding song. As the familiar melody filled the air of the rustic venue, I was transported back to the early days of our love. In that moment, the years melted away, reminding me of how far we’ve come together.
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In summary, nurturing romance within a marriage is vital for a lasting connection. While the demands of life may shift our focus, intentionally creating moments of togetherness can help keep the spark alive.