When my daughter was born, I wasn’t the overly sentimental dad you often hear about, the one cooing over every little detail. Instead, the first glimpse I had of her was just a tiny foot peeking out from my wife. My initial reaction? It was indescribable, akin to standing before the Grand Canyon for the very first time. You know it’s massive, you know it’s impressive, but when you finally see it, it hits you: this is real and monumental. Suddenly, I felt like a mere grain of rice on a massive sushi platter, dwarfed by the sheer magnitude of the moment.
Once we were in the recovery room, I was taken aback by the beauty of my children. And I’m not talking about the usual “Oh, they’re cute” kind of beautiful; I mean a profound, breathtaking kind of beauty. This revelation surprised me for two reasons: first, I certainly don’t consider myself to be particularly handsome, and second, these weren’t just your typical cute babies; they were stunning, unique individuals.
My son had a delicate layer of fine hair dusting his forehead and cheeks, paired with an inviting round face. As for my daughter, words fail me. She radiated a soft, flush pink glow. I’ll never forget the attending doctor who stood over her bassinet for nearly 45 minutes in the middle of the night, silent and awe-struck. It was clear she was a force of nature.
In that moment, all I could think was: “How does it feel to be a dad?” But I couldn’t articulate it. I just drew imaginary lines on the wall, trying to express that I thought I knew life, but I was now embarking on something entirely new and foreign. It took me about 18 months to get even close to understanding it. Yet here I am, 15 years later, still grappling with what it means to be a parent.
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In summary, the journey of fatherhood is a continuous learning experience, one that reshapes our understanding of life and love.