“Maybe we should search online for advice on how to explain this to her,” I said through my tears. “I’m sure there are experts out there who can guide us.”
My husband, Mark, looked at me gently and replied, “Sure, there are plenty of resources online, but they can’t tell us what we want her to understand. That’s something only we can decide.”
The “her” we were discussing was our three-year-old daughter, Zoe. And, unfortunately, he was right.
Earlier that day, Mark had taken our 14-year-old cat, Bella—Zoe’s constant companion—to the vet. While she didn’t show any obvious signs of illness, we were concerned about her sudden weight loss and change in demeanor. After a series of tests, we received the devastating news we had dreaded: Bella had multiple cancerous tumors in her intestines and fluid around her lungs. A steroid shot might help temporarily, but it was just a small fix to a significant problem, buying us a few extra days to say our goodbyes.
As I contemplated how to convey the concept of death to Zoe, my mind raced. How could I explain something I was struggling to understand myself? I had never given much thought to how we would handle such a situation.
While Mark and I didn’t actively practice any religion, he had been raised Catholic, influenced by a devout family. My own background was quite different. I could recount my mother’s infamous Sunday school story about being kicked out for asking “who made God?”
We had baptized Zoe, as it was essential to Mark’s family, but aside from that, we hadn’t delved deeply into religious discussions. Now, faced with the impending loss of her beloved cat, I felt the weight of responsibility to guide her understanding of death.
Bella was not just any pet; she was Zoe’s best friend. Many days, Zoe would come home from preschool and rush to greet her with “Hi, Bella!” before even acknowledging me. As a baby, Bella would curl up beside her, purring softly, and as a toddler, they would snuggle on the couch together. Even now, Bella would tolerate Zoe’s dress-up games, happily wearing a crown and pearls while accepting treats. “What other cats would do that?” Mark and I often marveled.
Just a couple of months prior, we had briefly touched on the topic of death when Zoe’s betta fish passed away. She had been upset and confused, frequently asking what “dead” meant. We had tiptoed around the subject, explaining simply that he couldn’t live with us anymore. Yet, she bounced back quickly, even if it lingered in her mind.
When Mark returned from the vet, visibly shaken, we knew it was time to break the news. “Zoe, Bella doesn’t just have a cold. She has something called cancer. While vets can help with many things, cancer is incredibly difficult to treat. We’re really sad about this, and Bella will be leaving us soon. We have a few days left to shower her with extra love and cuddles.”
I watched Zoe process the information, her big brown eyes searching mine for answers. “Okay. I’m sad about that,” she replied calmly. We reassured her that it was okay to feel sad and shared our own feelings. Yet, true to her empathetic nature, she soon turned her focus to making me smile.
That evening, I overheard her saying, “I’m sorry you’re a little dead, Bella. The fairies will come and get you soon, okay?” while hugging her tightly.
After she went to bed, Mark and I found ourselves once again contemplating how to navigate this challenging time. The internet is filled with resources, but nothing truly prepares you for the emotional turmoil of losing a pet. If you want to explore further, this blog post on Coping with Loss might be helpful.
As we pondered how to guide Zoe through this, we reflected on the deep love we all felt for Bella. She would always hold a special place in our hearts, and that was a good starting point. We would tackle this challenge as we have approached every parenting hurdle—by taking a leap of faith and hoping for the best. After all, as my grandmother would say, sometimes you just have to trust that the universe knows how to guide you, especially in difficult times.
For any parents going through something similar, check out this resource on pregnancy and home insemination to gain insights into nurturing life, even in its most challenging moments. And if you’re looking for supplies, this retailer offers at-home insemination kits that might come in handy.
In summary, dealing with the loss of a beloved pet is a heart-wrenching experience, especially for young children. It requires honesty, compassion, and a willingness to navigate the complexities of grief together.