The day after Christmas, I found myself in the attic with my 7-year-old daughter, Ella, hammering down plywood to create a much-needed storage space. The attic was dark, and both of us donned headlamps as we navigated through the cold, dusty space. The floor was precarious, with nothing but sheetrock between the beams; one misstep could send us tumbling into the garage below. Ella was bundled up in a thick purple coat, her brown faux-fur-lined hood framing her face, which beamed with excitement as she handed me nails.
I had initially asked my 9-year-old son, Max, to join us in the attic, but he looked at me as if I had asked him to construct a skyscraper instead of simply laying down some boards. He expressed his reluctance, claiming the attic was too scary and cold for his liking. Just as I was about to insist he help, Ella tugged at my pant leg and, with her signature gap-toothed smile, said, “I’ll help, Daddy.”
Over the past year, Ella has become my little assistant. She’s my companion at the hardware store, handing me tools and recounting her favorite episodes of My Little Pony while we work on various projects. I’ve never considered myself particularly handy; my own father wasn’t present much, so I often learned how to fix things through trial, error, and the occasional YouTube tutorial.
Looking back, I realize that even if my dad had been around, I probably would have resisted doing manual labor, just like Max. There are times when I do insist he pitch in—sometimes I genuinely need his assistance, while other times, I simply want to bond with him. I also worry about his future independence; I want him to leave home equipped with practical skills. For a long time, I believed these skills were primarily for my son.
However, as Ella grows older and shows a keen interest in helping with household tasks, I’ve started to reassess the outdated notion that only my son should be my ‘helper.’ This shift in perspective reminds me of an article by Sarah Matthews titled “I Don’t Wait for My Partner to Get It Done. I Can Handle It Myself.” In it, she recounts a moment when her son suggested waiting for his father to fix something, to which she confidently replied that she was fully capable of handling it herself. She highlighted the importance of women being just as competent as men in tasks like repairing a sink or leading a company. This notion extends to men being equally able to take on roles traditionally seen as “women’s work,” such as caring for children or managing a household.
While I want Max to master skills like using a hammer or operating a drill, I believe it’s equally important for both my kids to recognize their capabilities, irrespective of gender. There’s no shame in a father being a stay-at-home parent or a mother working in a trade.
In the past year, I’ve taught Ella how to hold wood to avoid splinters, swing a hammer, drive screws, open paint cans, climb ladders, and even navigate the roof while cleaning gutters. Each time we work together, her bright-eyed curiosity strengthens our bond, transcending traditional gender roles.
After we finished laying down the plywood, I carefully helped Ella down the ladder. Once on solid ground, she hugged my leg and asked when we could tackle the attic again. Although I was exhausted, the warmth of her enthusiasm was infectious. “Next weekend,” I replied, “I just need a little break.” She erupted in excitement, as if I had just invited her to a surprise birthday party, then rushed inside to tell Max about using the hammer.
As with any stage in parenting, I don’t know how long this “Daddy’s Helper” phase will last, but I cherish the opportunity to teach her practical skills. I want Ella to grow up knowing she doesn’t have to wait for anyone to take action. I hope she brings all her talents to the table in any future relationship and expects the same from her partner. For now, I will continue to invite her to help me, and I hope her enthusiasm lasts for a while.
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Summary:
In this reflection on parenting, Jamie Thompson shares how he has shifted his perspective on gender roles within his family. Initially believing that only his son should be “Dad’s Helper,” he now recognizes the importance of teaching practical skills to both his son and daughter. Through hands-on projects, he fosters a sense of independence and capability in his daughter, Ella, encouraging her to embrace her skills without waiting for a partner. This journey emphasizes the value of equipping children, regardless of gender, with the tools they need for independence and equality in future relationships.