As I hurried down the stairs, hastily putting on an earring while mentally preparing for the evening with our babysitter, I caught sight of my 3-year-old daughter, Lily, curled up quietly on the couch. Normally, she would be bouncing off the walls with excitement for her favorite babysitter’s arrival, but her flushed cheeks and droopy eyelids told a different story. A closer look revealed her glassy eyes and a sad little pout. When the babysitter knocked, I felt a sinking feeling—our plans for the night had just vanished.
Kids really do have a knack for ruining plans, don’t they? My husband paid the sitter, and as I cradled my feverish girl up the stairs, any hopes of a peaceful adult evening faded away. I could still smell my perfume as I prepared her for bed, and with my makeup still on, I collapsed onto the couch in my sweatpants, frustrated at being sidelined again.
Kids seem to possess an uncanny ability to know the exact moment to start feeling unwell, particularly when it’s time for us to head out. You can barely get out the door before your phone buzzes with a call from the babysitter, delivering the news that your child has just unleashed a torrent of vomit all over the living room. It’s infuriating, and trust me, we’ve all been there.
Those moments when the school nurse or sitter calls can be a mix of dread and hope. Have you ever contemplated ignoring the call with a half-hearted excuse? If you’re not nodding along, you’re probably fibbing. Here’s a collection of phrases I’ve uttered in moments of parental panic, and I know I’m not alone in this.
- “But is there actual vomit involved?” If not, I’m not rushing home.
- “Ugh, I should have given her more medicine before she went to school.” Mental note: Set those reminders!
- “Can’t you just give her an ice pack and send her back?” Ice packs can fix almost anything, right?
- “Just give her some water. She’ll be fine.” Seriously.
- “Do you have any of that surgical glue? Stitches take forever.” Who has time to sit in the ER for a minor cut?
- “Put her on the phone, please.” Now we’re getting serious.
- “Is she bleeding out of her eyes?” If not, she’s staying put.
- “Is she on fire? With actual flames?” Same as above.
- “Lunch is in an hour. She’s probably just hungry.” Oh great, her lunchbox is still on the counter.
- “How deep is that cut, really?” Let’s skip the drama.
- “If I take her to the doctor quickly, can I bring her back?” Gotta love a fast yoga class.
- “Can she just lie down for a little while?” Naps are great, right?
- “Hi, I just got her home, and the fever is gone. Can she return?” Just enough time for a grocery run!
- “Oh, it’s not lice. Just some dandruff.” If it were lice, I’d need to burn the house down.
- “The tooth fairy will handle that tonight. Send her back to class.” Those cute little boxes are for a reason.
- “How much pee actually got on his pants? Are his socks wet?” If they are, I’ll bring fresh clothes—don’t worry!
- “Sweetie, do you mind if I still go out? She hasn’t thrown up in like an hour.” Translation: I need a break from these walls.
- “He hasn’t vomited since he got home. Can I bring him back?” I just want to grab some toilet paper in peace.
- “Just tell him to blow his nose really hard. His ears will unclog.” Call me Mom MacGyver.
- “His eyes were clear when he left for school this morning.” After I cleaned out the gunk, of course.
- “I’ll be there in 10 minutes with cough syrup.” That cough isn’t going anywhere, so let’s keep him in class.
- “Honestly, an ice pack should do the trick.” Just get the kid an ice pack already!
- “He’s fine; he just doesn’t like the substitute teacher.” True story.
- “Just slap a Band-Aid on it, and I’ll handle it later, kthanksbye!” Band-Aids are lifesavers.
- “Can you please call his dad?” It’s your turn, buddy.
While it may seem like I lack empathy when my kids are feeling under the weather, that’s not entirely the case. I’m always there for my children when they’re genuinely unwell, comforting them through fevers and aches. But if a call comes in about something minor, like a hurt sock or a scratchy throat, you can bet I’ll keep it real and let them stay at school.
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In summary, navigating the world of parenting often means balancing our own needs with our children’s well-being. And while we may sometimes feel like we’re being callous, it’s all about keeping it real and making sure our kids are genuinely sick before we drop everything to rush home.