Dear Children,
You know I love you more than anything in the world, and I would do just about anything for you. Just think about all the countless hours I’ve spent taking care of your little behinds without a single gag (well, except that one time when one of you had a major tummy issue; I almost lost it then). There’s even one of you (not dropping names) who still needs a little help every time you drop a “golden nugget” in the toilet.
Speaking of toilets, I keep that thing spotless. You probably don’t even realize it—clean bathrooms are usually only noticed when they’re dirty. But here’s the scoop: as much as I adore you and love maintaining the space you use for your business, love is a two-way street, and you all need to step up your bathroom game.
So, I’ve whipped up a straightforward list of expectations for you. This takes effect immediately (and yes, Mr. Partner, you might want to consider a few of these, too):
- Toilet paper belongs on the holder. You’re bright kids, but somehow, the toilet paper roll always ends up as a sad, soggy mess on the floor. It’s not complicated; there’s a designated place for it. Use it.
- Check for stray drops of urine. Every time one of you uses the toilet, I often find little yellow droplets on the floor or seat. When I ask about it, you claim ignorance. Well, open your eyes! Urine has a distinct color and smell. Clean it up. Or better yet, how about learning to aim better?
- Flush the toilet! I know one of you is scared of the sound our heavy-duty toilet makes when it flushes. But seriously, you play video games with louder noises! I simply cannot comprehend how someone can drop a massive load and just leave it there for the next person.
- Toilet paper doesn’t magically replenish itself. Aren’t you grateful for a bathroom stocked with fresh toilet paper? So why am I the only one who seems to notice when it runs out? It’s not like you have to run a marathon to grab more. There’s plenty in the bathroom cabinet. Replace it once in a while, okay?
- Put the lid down! Flushing with the seat up sends all sorts of germs and bacteria flying into the air. The lid exists for a reason.
- The bathroom isn’t a spa or a meditation room. I understand that some quiet time is nice while you’re on the toilet, but we all share one bathroom. Not everyone can wait an hour for you to finish your deep thoughts. Take your time, but then please clear out.
- Wash your hands properly. Just running them under water for two seconds doesn’t cut it. Use soap, scrub thoroughly, and maybe even sing a little tune while you do it—this house doesn’t need any more germs than the ones you bring home from school.
- Use air freshener. Newsflash: your number twos don’t always smell like a field of flowers. Just wait until you eat like your dad… yikes!
I’m glad to have shared all of this with you. Now that you’ve got this handy list, I trust you’ll help out a bit, right?
And one last thing: when your favorite female in the house goes into the bathroom and says, “I’ll be just a minute,” do everyone a favor and let her have her peace! You can get by with half of the things on this list if you just let your mother have a moment of tranquility. Let’s make this a New Year’s miracle, shall we?
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Summary:
It’s time for kids to step up their bathroom etiquette! From flushing the toilet to washing hands properly, these straightforward rules can help maintain a clean and pleasant bathroom environment. Let’s make sure everyone in the house can enjoy a tidy bathroom experience without the struggle.