I took a moment the other day to observe my husband and kids as they strolled ahead of me after my daughter’s basketball game. They paused and turned around when they realized I was lagging behind. It’s a small gesture that feels monumental on those days when I sometimes feel more like a maid or an Uber driver, especially when I’m faced with the occasional critique for forgetting to pick up milk.
My family holds an immense part of my heart. They bring joy into my life and stir emotions I didn’t know existed—both the good and the challenging. I would fiercely protect them from any harm, yet I’ve come to realize that they don’t complete me.
Back in college, my roommate and I often shared our dreams over late-night snacks, fantasizing about marriage and kids by 25. We both secretly hoped that once we had families, we would finally feel whole. However, as time has passed, we’ve learned that this notion was misguided. While my husband and children have undeniably enriched my life, I’ve discovered that true fulfillment is an internal journey. It’s a job only I can undertake.
In moments when I felt like someone else’s happiness hinged on me, all I wanted to do was escape. That kind of pressure is unbearable. We might think our kids are too young to sense this pressure or that our partners should fill any emotional voids, but I’ve learned that this approach simply doesn’t work for me.
Completing ourselves is our responsibility—not our kids’, partners’, or friends’. Being complete doesn’t equate to being happy all the time; it means being authentic, knowing your values, and having the courage to say no. It’s about surrounding yourself with the people and experiences that bring you joy, without relying on them for your happiness.
As the years pass, I find myself caring less about the trivial and more at peace with who I am. I can concentrate on what truly makes life beautiful. I am complete. I am the one who completes myself.
Before I know it, my children will grow up and start their own families. It’s a blessing that they don’t fully complete me, as I’d otherwise feel lost when they embark on their own journeys. How can I encourage them to chase their dreams and live fulfilling lives if I don’t do so myself?
I express my creativity through writing and running, enjoy painting and decorating, and can’t fall asleep without curling up with a good book. Regular lunch dates with friends are a must for my happiness, and I prioritize one-on-one time with each of my children to strengthen our bonds. I make a point to check in with my sisters often. All of these activities and connections contribute to my sense of completeness because I’m living true to myself and not depending on anyone else for joy.
Ultimately, we are the architects of our own happiness. I don’t want to be the one to fill someone else’s void, nor do I want that burden placed upon me. Our family serves as our foundation and safe haven, and while we love them deeply, we must first commit to our own journeys of self-completion to discover true happiness. For more insights on the topic, check out this related post.
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In summary, I’ve learned that while family brings immense joy and love into my life, true fulfillment comes from within. It’s essential to cultivate our own interests and passions, so we can fully embrace life and encourage our loved ones to do the same.