Updated: August 3, 2023
Originally Published: June 22, 2015
Naïve Parenting operates on a simple principle: before each developmental milestone, you mistakenly believe that everything will be a breeze, setting yourself up with unrealistic expectations about the choices you’ll make. You’re convinced you have all the answers and that you’ll handle every challenge with finesse. Then, reality smacks you upside the head, and you find yourself improvising like a pro. Embracing denial, adaptability, and an open mind are essential components of effective Naïve Parenting.
When my children were smaller, I practiced Naïve Parenting by assuming they would be excellent sleepers, devoid of tantrums, and impeccably dressed every single day. Now that they’re older, I’ve taken my approach to a whole new level and am even considering launching a movement, penning a book, or at least arranging an interview with a talk show host. Here are a few naïve promises I made about my older kids and how I’ve humorously adjusted my grand plans:
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I Would Not Overschedule Their Lives
Before entering parenthood, I would often hear stories of parents zipping from one activity to another, hot dogs in hand. I confidently promised myself I would never fall into that trap. Fast forward to today, and I’ve realized it’s a slippery slope. One moment, you’re signing your kid up for a charming little soccer team, and the next, you’re entrenched in a relentless cycle of winter practices, spring leagues, and summer camps. Oh, and your child now wants to try yet another activity? Good luck juggling that while keeping family dinners a priority. After all, there’s always Thanksgiving for that! -
I Would Not Lose My Cool
I envisioned myself parenting like a serene version of Mr. Rogers, albeit in a trendier cardigan. I thought any bumps in the road would be resolved with gentle chats near a fish tank, followed by homemade cookies and loving hugs. In reality, my conversations are often louder than anticipated, our fish have long since passed, my cardigan is nowhere to be found, and I’m the one nervously munching the cookies (right next to the dog’s bowl). Thankfully, I still manage to give plenty of hugs. -
Our Middle-Schooler Would Not Own a Cell Phone
Honestly, what kid actually needs a phone at 12? Apparently, mine does, along with nearly every other middle-schooler on the block. After much deliberation, my partner and I finally conceded that our son should have a cell phone for “emergencies.” So far, it’s proven invaluable at crucial moments—like when he urgently needed to message me about sleeping over at a friend’s house, or that nail-biting instance when he wanted to know if he could have ice cream. -
I Would Never Be the ‘Cringe-Worthy Mom’
My partner and I love to entertain our kids and their friends. This was easy when they were younger, but as tweens, I’m discovering there’s a fine line between being the “funny mom” and the “awkward lady who just won’t quit.” I’m improving at picking up on their cues, like when they get up and leave the room—apparently, that’s my signal to dial back the goofy jokes. -
Screen Time Would Not Exceed One Hour Per Day
Moving right along… -
Our Eating Habits Would Stick to the Food Pyramid
As my children have grown older, I envisioned us savoring relaxed dinners featuring steamed salmon and side salads. Unfortunately, between homework and overflowing activity schedules (see No. 1), we often find ourselves in “Survivor” mode. Yes, I mean the reality show—where I’m simply pleased if a day’s worth of meals consists of a bowl of rice and a chicken leg eaten with fingers. -
Animal Prints? Only Rhinos Allowed!
Who would’ve thought the animal print trend was here to stay? I have a daughter who loves sportswear, and I thought we could evade this fashion frenzy. But once major brands jumped on the zebra-striped bandwagon, I knew we were destined for a clothing safari. (Cue the Lion King theme!) I’m finally admitting it’s somewhat adorable when my 10-year-old channels her inner cougar. -
PG-13 Movies Would Be Off-Limits Until Age 13
Around age 11, kid-friendly movie options become a bit murky. “You can either rewatch Despicable Me for the 85th time, or dive into this adult movie filled with cleavage and explicit language. What’s it going to be?” Sadly, finding suitable films for tweens that aren’t laden with violence or profanity is quite the challenge, so reluctantly, our son has seen a few flicks that are a bit too mature (but we do our best to mute and shield his eyes during the inappropriate parts). -
Our Children Would Never Quit an Activity
I was adamant about this when my kids were younger, and I still believe kids should honor their commitments. Unless, of course, that commitment involves a loud brass instrument (ahem, French horn) or a sport that could be dangerous if skills are lacking—like football, gymnastics, or golf.
As my kids approach their teenage years, I can’t help but cringe at the naïve expectations I have now and how misguided I might be when I look back a decade from now. Is it really feasible that they’ll be home by 9 p.m. every Saturday night after spending three hours at the library? I’ll keep you posted on that (and maybe even share my journey with Oprah!).
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Summary
This reflection on naïve parenting captures the humorous reality of raising children. From overscheduling to navigating technology, the journey is filled with unexpected twists. Embracing the chaos with open arms, parents often find themselves adjusting their once rigid expectations to accommodate the ever-changing landscape of family life.
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