Eight years ago, I found myself in a familiar spot—waiting for my older kids to be released from school, with my 2-year-old in tow. This was always a challenging time; he transformed into a little menace, oblivious to my insistence on maintaining a calm environment in the quiet hallway. “You need to be quiet and still. The kids are still learning,” I would remind him, but it felt like a never-ending battle. Instead of responding verbally, he would test his limits, wriggling and whining, making what was supposed to be a brief wait feel like an eternity.
Then one day, everything changed. In a moment of defiance, he looked up at me and declared, “Mommy, I don’t like you.” It was a classic case of backtalk, and I felt the heat rising. “Well, Mommy doesn’t like you when you talk that way,” I shot back, my tone firm. He paused, clearly taken aback. To some, my response might seem overly harsh, but I have zero tolerance for disrespect. That day, his behavior improved significantly during pickup. Still, it wasn’t a long-term solution; my three children still occasionally resort to their backtalk, fully aware of the consequences.
Fast forward to the present, and I found myself in a heated exchange in the kitchen. “If you’re going to say something rude, just don’t say it,” I barked, my frustration evident. My kids often struggle to grasp the gravity of my words, especially when my temper flares. I refuse to let them talk to me or anyone else like they have no regard for feelings. They know the standards I expect and that my patience wears thin quickly.
I genuinely believe that we teach others how to treat us. It doesn’t mean we receive perfect treatment all the time, but people understand where the boundaries lie. This principle applies to our children as well. Ignoring their backtalk has never been effective. In their view, silence is an invitation to push further, especially in public. When I remain quiet, it feels like I’m condoning their behavior, leading to moments when I have to discipline them right then and there—often with a stern look and raised voice.
My kids are aware that disrespect will be met with consequences. I’d rather endure some disapproving glances than allow them to treat me or others poorly. Respect is a two-way street. When it comes to discipline, I don’t hold back. Their punishments can range from losing dessert to forfeiting playdates, but now that they’re older, it usually involves their precious screen time. Taking their phones is my go-to move.
I have specific triggers—certain phrases or tones that lead to immediate consequences. For instance, if they interrupt me with a cheeky, “I know, Mom!” while I’m asking them to do something they should already be doing, that phone is gone for a week. I won’t lie; it can be tough maintaining this level of discipline. There are times I want to cave and give their devices back, especially if they shower me with affection and apologies. However, I stand my ground; their good behavior is what earns them their privileges back.
Despite some adults questioning whether I’m too strict, my kids still push boundaries and occasionally backtalk. They’re human, after all, and we all have our moments of frustration. I understand this struggle well, as I sometimes find myself overwhelmed and snapping back. Yet, I view this challenge as part of motherhood, and I’m committed to it for the long haul.
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In summary, while navigating the challenges of backtalk can be frustrating, it’s essential to maintain firm boundaries with our children. They need to understand the importance of respect, and as parents, we play a crucial role in teaching them that lesson.