As a new mom, it often felt like my parenting was evaluated based on my children’s sleep, eating habits, walking milestones, and overall behavior. I used to think that my performance in these areas was like a motherhood report card. If they hit all the right notes (and let’s be honest, there’s no universal right or wrong timing) or completed their tasks as expected (because every child is unique), I could consider myself a successful mom.
But when you take a moment to reflect on who’s really judging you, does their opinion even matter? Probably not.
I didn’t completely derail my kids with my incessant worrying and rigid routines. Sure, my strict schedules might have caused a little stress, and I often found myself chasing them around to keep them clean before outings. My daughter still remembers those frantic moments when I’d run after her with a hairbrush, trying to tame her morning tangles, even though she despised it. But guess what? She turned out just fine.
Now that I’m navigating life with a teenager and two tweens, I can say this: I would have benefitted from not stressing over every little thing. If I could hit the reset button, I’d do it in a heartbeat because some matters simply aren’t worth the anxiety, such as:
1. Their Eating and Sleeping Routines
I used to panic if we weren’t home exactly at 11:02 AM for lunch or nap time. While routines are important for smooth sailing, there’s no harm in bending the rules occasionally. A frazzled mom leads to frazzled kids, and trust me, anxious children don’t eat, sleep, or even poop well.
2. Their Cleanliness
I would never let my kids fall asleep in their high chairs, even though they often tried. Why? In hindsight, I could have taken a page from their book! Instead of stressing over baths, lotions, and fresh outfits, I should have embraced the chaos. More often than not, once they were all cleaned up, they were ready to party instead of sleep, leaving me in a corner, utterly exhausted.
3. The State of My Home
I wanted my house to be ready for surprise visitors or spontaneous playdates. If someone came over unexpectedly, they could turn my home into a disaster zone faster than a hurricane! I wish I’d spent less time worrying about cleanliness and more time enjoying casual dinner parties with friends.
4. Their Fashion Choices
Having three kids in close succession, I was eager to dress them in matching outfits. But let’s be real—none of them liked wearing the cute ensembles I picked out. Instead of forcing them into coordinating outfits, I could have saved myself the effort and spent that time doing something more fruitful, like flossing my dog’s teeth!
5. Their Diet
I nursed all my children, which was exhausting, and then I stressed over their organic meals. I wanted them to eat well, but eventually, they found ways to sneak sugary cereals and Halloween candy when I wasn’t looking. Sure, you should be mindful of their diet, but don’t wear yourself out trying to get everything perfect. A bowl of Fruit Loops every now and then isn’t going to ruin their health and might just give you a minute to catch your breath.
As a mom who’s been through this journey three times, I acknowledge my regrets and the lessons I’ve learned through how I handled situations. I would have been better off just taking a deep breath, and I’m pretty sure my children would have appreciated it too. For the record, I still don’t regret the sunglasses—they were adorable!
So, to all the new moms out there, know it’s perfectly fine to stray from the schedule sometimes. Don’t hesitate to relax, enjoy a meal, or even skip bath time now and then. If my advice doesn’t resonate with you right now, that’s okay—I probably wouldn’t have listened either. If you want to learn more about family planning options, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re considering options for at-home insemination, Make A Mom is a reputable place to find what you need.
Summary:
In reflection, I realize that the pressures I placed on myself as a mother were often unnecessary. I wish I had focused more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about routines and perfection. Embracing flexibility, acknowledging that kids don’t need to be perfect, and allowing myself moments of chaos would have made motherhood much more enjoyable.