As a soon-to-be mom of four, I had an enlightening moment leaving a diner, my two-year-old in tow. In the entryway, I spotted a couple with a newborn. I smiled and offered a genuine, “Congratulations!” When my husband arrived with our older kids, the new dad’s eyes widened in admiration. “Wow, that’s a lot of kids. You must be a parenting expert. Can you give us advice?”
I felt the instinct to step into the “expert” role, but then I locked eyes with his wife. She looked familiar—like someone grappling with the monumental challenge of new motherhood. I could see the vulnerability behind her hopeful gaze, desperately hoping she was doing a good job. What she needed wasn’t advice; it was reassurance that she was enough.
Reflecting on my own early days as a new mom, I empathized with her struggle. I recalled the overwhelming sense of inadequacy I often felt. Instead of launching into advice, I chose to validate her: “You don’t need my tips. Your baby is sound asleep in her carrier, and you’re out here. That’s a huge accomplishment, showing you already have a grip on this parenting thing.”
Her grateful nod confirmed that my words resonated more than any parenting technique I could have offered. I remember how in those early days, I was often consumed by feelings of failure, hormones, and emotions swirling around like a tornado.
Sure, as a mom of four, I have experience on my side. But just because I’ve navigated sleepless nights doesn’t mean I’m better at this than a mom with “just one” child. Sure, I’ve tackled more laundry and dealt with more chaos, but that doesn’t inherently make me a parenting oracle. I’ve seen moms of “just two” call for help when faced with a swarm of lice. The challenges we face are universal.
The Chaos of Dinnertime
Take dinnertime, for instance. Last night, I was caught in the chaos of kids refusing to eat their pasta—one was busy eating boogers, another complained about the sauce, and the youngest was flinging food onto the floor. I prayed for a peaceful mealtime, but that never seemed to happen. The only difference now is that I handle multiple tantrums at once, and I’ve learned to see the humor in it.
Back when I was a new mom, I wouldn’t have dreamed of letting my toddler eat pasta off the floor, but now, I multitask as I watch my little one scavenge for food while I load the dishwasher. It’s a chaotic dance, but it works for me.
Despite having years of experience, I often feel just as confused as any new mom. My second-grader recently told me her brain is too full to tackle math homework. I feel her pain; I’m drowning in parenting advice that often contradicts itself. If I read one more article that challenges everything I thought I knew, I might just have my own tantrum like my daughter did over Common Core.
Learning from Each Other
This brings me to why I didn’t offer that new mom any advice. In fact, I often find myself seeking wisdom from moms like her. Just the other day, while getting my hair done, I chatted with a first-time mom about my own struggles. She shared insights on formula that helped her child, and without hesitation, I ordered the same brand right then and there. It’s funny how I used to overthink every decision, but now I feel more at ease trusting the advice of fellow moms who resonate with my values.
So to all the new moms out there, when you see me juggling my four kids, don’t feel intimidated. I’m just as puzzled by motherhood as you are. I may tout my status as a “mom of four” in my bio, but that’s just for a little attention. The truth is, we can learn from each other. Every new mom deserves respect and support, as we’re all navigating this wild ride together.
For more insights into parenting and support, check out this useful blog post. And if you’re considering artificial insemination, you can find reliable resources and products, like those from Make a Mom for at-home insemination kits. Additionally, March of Dimes offers excellent information on fertility treatments and planning for a baby.
In summary, motherhood is a journey filled with learning, confusion, and shared experiences. Let’s support one another and recognize that no one has all the answers.