In daily life as a mother, I often find myself muttering, “I can’t. I have a baby.” It’s a refrain that I’m sure many of us can relate to.
- “Coffee date?”
- “Baby’s napping!”
- “Dinner plans?”
- “Nope, it’s bedtime for the baby.”
- “Intimacy?”
- “Really? Are you serious?”
- “Time for self-care?”
- “Yeah, right. When?”
Yet, the reality is that I could easily wake my baby, have my partner put her to sleep, and take a moment for myself. The reasons I don’t are varied—some valid, some perhaps not so much. Ultimately, every choice we make is a reflection of our priorities.
One evening, while cleaning up after another hectic day, I expressed my frustrations to my partner about missing yoga. He simply replied, “Well, you could always practice. You just don’t.” I was furious because he was spot on.
Sure, I could squeeze in a home session, take my baby to Mommy and Me yoga, or attend an evening class—but all of those require significant effort. It’s far easier to do nothing and then lament about it. My days are already filled to the brim, and by nightfall, I prefer to cozy up on the couch, indulging in episodes of This Is Us with a glass of wine.
Eventually, I had a conversation with a friend, Lisa, who recently returned to work. She mentioned fitting in workouts during her lunch break. “I wish I could exercise,” I sighed. “I can’t find anyone to watch the baby.”
Lisa looked at me as if I were out of my mind. “But you live near all these hiking trails!”
I explained that my baby was too heavy to carry in a carrier, and our hiking stroller was cumbersome. I also had to factor in changing and preparing the baby for the outdoors, planning around her feeding and napping schedules, and walking the dog first. As I listed my excuses, I realized that Lisa was right.
The very next day, I went hiking. It was definitely more challenging than before becoming a mom, but the satisfaction I felt was immense. As I incorporated this into my routine, I became more efficient. While motherhood adds layers of complexity, it doesn’t render pursuits impossible.
It’s easy to fall into a rut. When my in-laws visited, they insisted that my partner and I have a date night. We hadn’t been out since our baby arrived because we were hesitant to leave her with a sitter. However, I was comfortable leaving her with my in-laws. That night, I felt exhausted and was reluctant to shower, put on makeup, and wear “date clothes.” I told my partner I wasn’t interested in going out. He looked me in the eye and asserted, “We must do this.”
Darn it all, he was right once again. As new parents, we had sidelined our relationship. “Fine,” I relented, “but I’m not dressing up.” Spoiler alert: I did get dressed up. We browsed for used vinyl, enjoyed sushi, and engaged in conversations about things other than parenting, all while marveling at the strangeness of being out without our baby. We were home by 8:15.
The next day, I felt rejuvenated; I was no longer just a tired mom, but a capable woman reclaiming her identity. Each time I gather the courage to step beyond the boundaries of motherhood and engage in activities that remind me of who I am, even if it means leaving the comfort of my couch, I feel whole again.
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Summary
Motherhood can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t make life’s challenges impossible. By shifting our priorities and making conscious choices, we can reclaim our identities and find joy in the little things.