I’ve spent what feels like an eternity lying alongside my restless, wide-awake child, hoping for the moment they finally succumb to sleep. When the struggle becomes real, I sometimes sneak my phone under the covers, scrolling through social media on the lowest brightness, praying my half-asleep child doesn’t catch me indulging in screen time after lights out.
Yet, not every night is a battle. In fact, there are moments that are incredibly heartwarming. Lying there while my kids drift between wakefulness and dreams can be a beautiful experience—one that echoes the serene vision of parenting I had before I fully grasped its challenges.
There are times when my children snuggle close, and I can smell their sweet hair, feel their warm cheeks against my neck, or hear their little hearts racing. These moments fill me with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. As they fall asleep, they often share their thoughts and feelings—intimate conversations that are seldom spoken during the day.
I’ve heard the arguments against lying down with kids until they sleep. It’s often deemed the number one habit to break during infancy. But what if you choose not to? What if you continue to rock or nurse your baby at bedtime? As they grow, what if it transforms into holding hands or gently patting their backs until they drift off?
You might wonder: How will they ever learn to self-soothe? How will they fall asleep without you? Will they become dependent on your presence and struggle to thrive independently? The answer, quite frankly, is no. Research shows that securely attached kids tend to be more confident and self-reliant. It’s a logical conclusion: Providing children with a sense of safety fosters their ability to navigate the world with ease.
That said, not every family needs to adopt the bedtime routine of lying down together. There are countless ways to nurture secure children, and this isn’t an absolute requirement for every household. However, if this approach works for your family, there’s no reason to abandon it. Just because you allow your children this comfort doesn’t mean they’ll struggle to adapt or won’t learn to fall asleep independently.
I lie down with my kids because they want me there, and it’s a tradition we’ve nurtured. Although those extra ten to twenty minutes can feel like a burden at times, they are precious moments that mean the world to my children. Amidst the chaos of school, work, meals, and homework, these quiet, intimate moments before sleep are rare.
I also find comfort in this routine. If my husband is away, I often take longer to fall asleep myself. At ages four and nine, my children deserve the same security that even adults crave. I lie down with them because there have been nights when my older child hasn’t needed me at all—times when he literally pushed me out of his room to sleep on his own. Yet, on those nights when he feels anxious or restless, I choose to be there, knowing that these moments of dependence will eventually fade.
I’m aware that boys are often taught to suppress their emotions, and I believe this can be detrimental. I lie down with them because they ask for it, and I’m willing to provide that comfort. Sure, at the end of a long day, lying in the dark isn’t always my first choice. There are times I feel overwhelmed, hungry, or simply touched out, and I grit my teeth to stifle my frustration.
But I also recognize that those precious minutes spent with my children as they drift off are invaluable—for them and for me. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything.
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In summary, lying down with your kids until they fall asleep is not a detrimental habit. Rather, it can foster a deeper emotional connection and sense of security. Embracing this routine, even amid the challenges of parenting, can create lasting memories and a strong bond with your children.