In past conversations about societal norms, certain taboo words have taken center stage—the f-word, the c-word, and even the x-word, which I occasionally have to look up. These words, laden with shock and stigma, evoke a mixture of shame and laughter. Yet, amidst this alphabet soup of controversial terms, one particular p-word stands out for causing more harm than good. Yes, I’m talking about the word “polite.”
As a mother of two daughters, I’ve observed how the expectation of being “polite” can sometimes hinder their ability to voice their thoughts and stand up for themselves. My girls generally exhibit kindness, respect, and the grace to accept criticism, but only when it aligns with their comfort levels. However, there are moments when they must assert themselves, and the ingrained fear of being labeled “impolite” can lead to them being walked over.
Take my 11-year-old, Sophie, for example. She’s a budding gymnast—a cautious one, to be exact. Her coach, in a misguided attempt at motivation, often resorts to insults: “Are you a baby?” “Even the 7-year-olds are doing better!” or “You should be jumping off that beam like everyone else!” If he truly understood her, he’d know that this approach stifles her spirit and undermines her confidence. After one particularly harsh practice, she came to me in tears, expressing her desire to quit.
While I understand the coach’s intentions, I also know that words can leave lasting wounds. Rather than confronting him directly, I encourage Sophie to advocate for herself—yet she often hesitates, held back by the confines of politeness.
This isn’t an isolated incident; many women have experienced similar situations. We’ve all been told to “smile more,” or been subjected to unwanted advances while remaining silent. We are conditioned to temper our responses, hiding our frustrations behind polite smiles. Instead of promoting acceptance of such behavior, we should train ourselves to speak up. Phrases like, “That doesn’t work for me,” or “No, thank you,” should become part of our vocabulary. Standing up for oneself is not rudeness; it’s empowerment, and it’s necessary for fostering self-advocacy.
Ultimately, I cherish the values of kindness and compassion in my daughters. However, I won’t hesitate to support them in expressing their frustrations when faced with unreasonable expectations surrounding that p-word. If someone dares to challenge their self-worth, I will encourage them to push back—regardless of the labels they might receive in return.
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In summary, it’s time we reassess the p-word and the undue weight it carries. While politeness has its place, it should never come at the cost of self-expression and empowerment.