“Duck rhymes with the F-word. You know, the bad one.”
Well, that certainly got some attention. Our 6-year-old, Lily, decided to share this fun fact at ear-splitting volume during a busy holiday dinner at a nice New Orleans restaurant. The reaction was priceless: some adults turned to gawk, others gave sympathetic smiles, while a couple of kids asked their parents what she meant. One particularly put-together woman shook her head in dismay.
“That’s right, sweetie, but it’s not appropriate to discuss that word here. Also, can you please use your inside voice? Thank you.”
My partner and I resumed our conversation about the Tennessee football game while Lily happily colored a blue duck on her menu. The woman continued to disapprove.
Despite her judgment, we weren’t bothered by our child’s expanding vocabulary—here’s why:
Understanding Words is Vital
While Lily can craft an impressive drawing, her main mode of communication is verbal. I’ve never had her request a snack through interpretive dance, nor has she asked for help with reading through poetry. To express herself effectively, she needs to understand a wide array of words. Distinguishing between terms like “eager” and “anxious” or “frustrated” and “angry” is crucial. At just 6 years old, she’s in the process of collecting these words, figuring out their meanings, and even testing how they sound when spoken aloud.
To navigate this expansive world of language, she must feel safe to explore and express herself—so we encourage her.
Teaching Responsible Communication
When Lily uses the F-word, I can guide her to understand its inappropriateness in certain contexts first, and then consider her age as a factor. If she persists, I can introduce safe, age-appropriate consequences. If we were to agree with the disapproving woman, it would be incredibly unwise for Lily to experiment with such language now, especially as a teenager.
Imagine if my teenage daughter, not in my presence, uses the F-word. Someone might assume she’s provoking a fight, escalating the situation with even harsher language. I would much rather deal with judgmental looks while dining out than risk my child’s safety over a word.
Words Shouldn’t Hold Power Over Kids
Words wield immense power—they can uplift, inspire, or, conversely, cause harm. Lily, a beautiful blend of cultures and races, was adopted by two parents who look nothing like her. She is spirited, fiercely competitive, and sometimes downright aggressive. There will be plenty of moments when words might be used against her.
We’ll tackle those challenges as they arise, but for now, I won’t give unnecessary power to a word that carries weight—especially since my reaction could artificially inflate its significance. There are appropriate contexts for any word, including the F-word. If I react with horror or amusement, I risk dulling her understanding of their true power and her ability to use them wisely in the future.
While she may know the word, she certainly doesn’t grasp its full meaning—much like how she might not understand “clothes hamper” based on her current actions. Therefore, we choose to address more pressing parenting issues instead, like, “Is this the best approach we can take right now?” So far, the answer has been a resounding “heck yes.”
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Summary
In conclusion, while it may be tempting to scold kids for using words deemed inappropriate, it can be more beneficial to foster an environment where they can explore language responsibly. Instead of reacting negatively, guiding them through understanding the context and implications of their words can help them communicate effectively and safely as they grow.