A few weeks back, I received a message from a woman I know solely through social media. The subject line read, “I think I’m a terrible mom.” Alarmed, I opened it immediately and began to read.
Her message contained sentiments like: “I adore my kids, but there are times I really struggle to like them. I feel so drained. My partner and I barely connect anymore. I strive to instill values in my children; they behave well in public, but at home, it’s total chaos. They lack manners and often tell me, ‘You’re the worst mom ever.’ I’ve tried every method—positive, negative, you name it—and nothing seems to work. I feel like a failure. My kids deserve a better mom, and my husband deserves a better wife. I fear I’ve ruined them for life.”
Oh wow. That’s it?
If those thoughts make you unfit for motherhood, then we’re all in the same boat! Every single one of us!
I can’t be the only mom who has exclaimed, “You would never talk to your teacher like that! I’m your mother! I’m the one taking care of you! You know better!” And back when I was teaching, I had countless conversations with parents who would say things like, “Well, you should see how they act at home!”
At the end of the day, we all desire the same thing. We want our children to grow into kind, responsible, and compassionate individuals. We want them to be respectful and productive members of society. When they do, parenting becomes enjoyable, and we feel like we’re fulfilling our roles to the best of our abilities.
As parents, we take immense pride in what we create. When kids work hard on a drawing, they can’t wait to show it off. When they ace a paper or test, they want validation. The same goes for projects at work; recognition feels great after putting in the effort.
The most significant creation we’ll ever make, however, is a child—especially for moms, who nurtured them inside their bodies. When they arrive, they’re perfect in every way. But then, the reality of parenting hits. The hard part isn’t just the pregnancy; that’s the easy part. The real challenge begins once they are here.
Now it’s your job to shape them. And let me tell you, that’s no small feat. It’s exhausting, and despite your best efforts, things can go awry. The longer you “program” them incorrectly, the tougher it becomes to rewire those behaviors.
I often post pictures on social media of my kids doing all the things we hope they will do—cooking, reading, cooperating. Why? Because it feels good to see them embodying the lessons we’ve instilled, and it makes me proud of both them and myself. It’s just like when a 3-year-old presents you with a scribbled masterpiece and eagerly asks if you love it.
When we finally get those moments of success, it’s only natural to want to share them. After all, those perfect snapshots might only represent 10% of the time. The other 90%? Well, let’s be real—it’s rarely picture-perfect. For many of us, half of the time can be downright chaotic, with kids testing every limit.
That’s when it gets overwhelming. You know you should be doing better—limiting screen time, serving nutritious meals, enforcing bedtime routines. But sometimes, you just don’t have it in you, and let’s face it, nobody is posting those messy moments online.
Recently, we went on vacation to a second-floor condo. On one chaotic morning, just as we were trying to leave for the beach, every single kid erupted into a meltdown. One couldn’t see due to sunscreen in her eyes, another lost his basketball, and yet another didn’t want to go at all. It spiraled into complete chaos with screaming, fighting, and tears. I could practically feel the neighbors considering calling the authorities. Not exactly a moment for the highlight reel.
Despite knowing right from wrong, sometimes kids just don’t follow the rules. During those times, it’s easy to doubt ourselves as parents. Those moments can happen more frequently than we’d like to admit.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, kids will act up. They’re naturally inclined to test boundaries, push limits, and see how much they can get away with. In those moments, all you can do is hang on tight, weather the storm, and reflect on how to approach things differently next time.
Eventually, life will settle down, and you’ll find the energy and patience to try new strategies. This may be in a few days, or it could take longer. Until then, remember: your kids aren’t doomed for life, and you’re not an unfit mom.
Perfection isn’t the goal. It’s not about crafting the ideal Pinterest project or baking cookies for social media. Sometimes, the only goal is simply keeping everyone safe and alive. That doesn’t make you a bad mom; it makes you a real one.
If you’re looking for more insights, check out this blog post for helpful resources on parenting. And for those considering at-home insemination, reputable retailers like Make a Mom offer quality products to support your journey.
In summary, every mother has moments of doubt, and it’s essential to recognize that struggling is part of the process. Embrace the challenges, remember the victories, and know you’re not alone on this journey.
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