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The Scale No Longer Dictates My Self-Worth
by Sarah Mitchell
November 27, 2023
There was a time when I felt like I was on a rollercoaster of emotions tied to a little number on a scale. After a long struggle with my mental health, I found myself needing an SSRI, specifically Prozac. It became a necessity in my life, especially after Zoloft lost its effectiveness. Ironically, we chose Prozac because the alternatives were notorious for significant weight gain.
Go ahead and chuckle. I was living in dresses every day, so I didn’t notice the gradual shift of tight jeans and unflattering tops. But then, one summer morning, I caught a glimpse of my reflection and felt the weight of my expanding waistline. I thought, “Oh no, I’ve gained weight.”
To me, gaining weight meant going from a comfortable size 8/9 to a 14/16, from medium to XL/XXL. I began blaming my bust size for the snug fit of my new clothing but deep down, I knew the truth.
It hit me hard when I stepped on the scale and saw 180 pounds. I felt a wave of despair wash over me. As a woman in America in 2023, hearing that number felt like being hit with a ton of bricks. I instinctively wanted to weep, and my husband’s attempt to reassure me didn’t help much.
Determined to shed the weight, I dove into a strict modified paleo diet and committed to a Couch to 5K program. I was diligent and didn’t cheat. But after weeks of effort, the scale still read 180 pounds. I was devastated. My clothes began to fit better, and I could run longer, but that number remained unchanged.
My psychiatrist had advised me to ignore the scale and focus on how my body felt. But I couldn’t resist checking it again. When it still read 180, I kicked it under my dresser in frustration. It became clear to me that my self-worth shouldn’t hinge on a number dictated by an outdated scale.
So, I tossed it out, and let me tell you, it felt liberating. I realized that fitting into Lane Bryant sizes didn’t diminish my worth. What mattered was how I felt, which was better than ever. I was more energized, and my clothes looked good on me.
Interestingly, the word “fat” carries a stigma that I refused to accept. It’s a term often associated with negativity, but I am not lazy or unhealthy. I chose to discard those associations, just as I discarded the scale.
Now, when someone compliments my appearance, I embrace their words. If you’re interested in more insights on self-acceptance and body positivity, check out this insightful blog post to keep the conversation going.
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In summary, I learned that my self-esteem shouldn’t be dictated by the scale. Embracing my body and focusing on how I feel has allowed me to find happiness beyond numbers.
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