Little ones have a knack for unfiltered honesty that can catch us off guard, much like the candid remarks from a tipsy friend at a party. They have no qualms about pointing out your bad breath, declaring that you’re annoying, or commenting on a stranger’s fashion choices with remarks like “Why is that person wearing those tight pants?”
Take, for instance, a memorable moment with my then-4-year-old daughter, Lily. One afternoon, as I changed into my workout clothes, she looked up and exclaimed, “Mommy! Your tummy is so big!” Her tone was innocent, filled with the glee of a child who had just stumbled upon a hidden treasure. I felt my stomach drop—she wasn’t wrong, but the truth stung.
In that moment, I was tempted to retort defensively, “Well, I did just have a baby, you know!” However, I realized she meant no harm. She was simply sharing her observation, expecting a laugh in return. Kids, much like certain hip-hop artists, seem to have a fondness for truth, blissfully unaware of the potential repercussions of their words.
Still, I couldn’t help but feel a little irked. “Lily!” I gently scolded, “That’s not polite. You shouldn’t say things like that to people.” The look on her face told me she was bewildered, as if I had chastised her for saying “The sky is blue.” To her, it was merely a fact, and I felt a pang of guilt. Yet, I knew it was important for her to learn that commenting on others’ appearances could be hurtful.
We often preach that honesty is paramount, but we quickly add caveats. Honesty is the best policy—unless Aunt Clara’s knitted sweater isn’t your style. Or, unless your friend asks what you think of their new haircut. Or, unless you’re tempted to disclose that you enjoyed dessert for dinner last night. It’s clear that we want our children to be truthful, but we also want them to be considerate.
The challenge is that toddlers, despite their bravado, have limited life experiences. They haven’t yet faced the sting of harsh comments about their looks or weight. As a result, they can be blissfully unaware of how their words might affect others. Until they learn the art of tact, prepare for some potentially embarrassing moments as a parent—it’s just part of the job description.
The key is to turn these awkward moments into teaching opportunities. We can guide them in understanding that some people may feel sensitive about certain topics. If they have a comment or question about someone’s appearance, they can wait until they’re in a private setting.
Modeling this behavior ourselves is crucial. If your child comes downstairs in a mismatched outfit, instead of critiquing, you might say, “You did a great job picking those clothes! How about we find a different shirt that matches better?” Or sometimes, just let them wear whatever they want, because, honestly, who cares?
Weeks after my daughter’s initial remark, I found myself struggling to pull up my yoga pants when she walked in. I braced myself for another honest observation. She paused, looked me over with her curious eyes, and finally said, “You have a tiny tummy, Mommy!” I burst out laughing and hugged her tightly. It seemed she had grasped a bit of tact after all.
In those moments, I realized I had imparted a crucial lesson: when discussing sensitive topics like age or weight, a gentle approach is always best. Someday, she’ll appreciate this knowledge, and perhaps it will serve her well.
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Summary:
Children often express their thoughts candidly, leading to moments of embarrassment for parents. While it’s essential to encourage honesty, teaching kids about tact is equally important. By turning their blunt observations into teaching moments and modeling polite communication, parents can help their children navigate social interactions with greater sensitivity.
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