As we step into November, a familiar wave of gratitude promotion washes over us. It seems like everyone, from major media outlets to well-known personalities, is urging us to reflect on our blessings. And let’s be honest—who has more to be grateful for than mothers? We have wonderful children whose love brings profound joy and meaning to our lives. Many of us have gone through incredible lengths, from fertility treatments to adoption processes, to create our families. Surely, we should feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude, right?
However, as a mom and a clinical psychologist specializing in the anxieties tied to motherhood, I find myself questioning the relentless push for gratitude. I’m not alone in my skepticism—recent discussions, including a controversial piece in the New York Times, have highlighted how gratitude can sometimes feel self-serving. My concern lies elsewhere: while studies indicate that gratitude is linked to happiness and life satisfaction, the pressure to express gratitude can actually lead some mothers to feel worse about themselves.
Understanding the Disconnect
Let me elaborate. I’ve encountered numerous mothers who possess ample reasons to be grateful yet still experience stress, anxiety, or even depression. During the Thanksgiving season, many express discomfort with the constant reminders to be thankful. They acknowledge their blessings but still feel a profound sense of unhappiness. This disconnect often exacerbates their feelings, making them question why they can’t simply appreciate all that they have.
There are also those who genuinely struggle to identify things to be thankful for. The gratitude movement often offers platitudes, such as appreciating clean air or a warm home. While these are indeed vital, they may not provide solace to someone grappling with loneliness or despair.
The Pressure of Gratitude
In my experience, the societal expectation to feel grateful can feel dismissive, as if someone is saying, “You have food, clean water, and a loving family, so why are you complaining?” But mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and stress don’t operate on a simple gratitude scale. High-profile tragedies, such as the passing of beloved comedian David, remind us that external blessings don’t shield anyone from mental health struggles.
Embracing Complex Emotions
In cognitive-behavioral therapy, we emphasize the importance of acknowledging and accepting negative emotions while practicing self-compassion. During this season, I encourage mothers to recognize that it’s perfectly fine to feel grateful for some aspects of their lives while struggling with others. It’s also okay to not feel grateful at all, despite having the comforts of life.
So, while the gratitude messages from outlets like Oprah can be uplifting, they should carry reminders that it’s normal to experience a range of emotions. It’s acceptable to find it hard to pinpoint something to be thankful for. It’s okay to appreciate certain aspects of life but not others. And it’s perfectly valid to have everything one could wish for yet still feel unhappy.
A Supportive Thanksgiving Message
This is the kind of Thanksgiving message I can wholeheartedly support. For more insights, check out this post on the importance of mental health in motherhood. And if you’re considering at-home insemination options, Cryobaby offers a reliable selection of syringe kits. Additionally, American Pregnancy provides excellent resources for those navigating the journey of donor insemination.
In summary, gratitude should not be a mandate; rather, it can coexist with our more complex emotions. Embracing this nuance is essential for our well-being.
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