By: Jenna Matthews
Updated: Dec. 21, 2020
Originally Published: Nov. 2, 2016
I came across a post on social media from an old acquaintance, a guy I hadn’t seen in years. He had become quite the marathon enthusiast and motivational speaker. The post featured the name of his newborn, along with a caption that read, “[Wife] totally nailed it!” above a photo of the local birthing center—known for its serene, medication-free environment. The follow-up pic showed his wife, impeccably made up, holding their baby in a frilly outfit, with the caption “About an hour afterward!”
A wave of frustration washed over me, prompting my comment: “Congrats! Hard to believe she had time for makeup and a dressed baby just an hour after giving birth!” His response? “This was more like 90 minutes.”
I know social media rarely captures the full picture of anyone’s experiences, and that polished snapshot was hardly representative of the whole journey. It took me a moment to pinpoint my irritation. Sure, dress your newborn in delicate lace shortly after giving birth and apply a full face of makeup if you want, but the part that bothered me the most was the word “nailed.” You don’t “nail” childbirth; it isn’t a competition.
The term “nail” implies a sense of conquest or competition—something you do to an opponent, not a natural process like giving birth. The notion that one can “conquer” childbirth suggests that it can also defeat you. What if my friend’s wife had asked for an epidural? What if she had cried out in pain, wishing for it all to end? These reactions are typical during labor, and let’s be honest: delivering a baby is excruciating. If you “nail” a natural birth, does that mean you somehow avoided all of those feelings?
Moreover, if “nailing” it implies a triumph, what does that mean for those who choose medication or require a C-section? It creates an environment where birth becomes a contest, where the value of a woman’s experience is judged based on her choices.
All childbirth is natural; it’s simply the way we bring new life into the world. But if we assume my friend is referring to a traditional natural birth free of medication, then it implies that if you choose to use pain relief, your experience is somehow diminished. If you need a C-section or stitches, does that make you less of a mother? (Let’s be real; no one gets stitched up and applies lipstick in 90 minutes.)
The truth is, the only victory we achieve in childbirth is bringing a healthy baby into the world. And even if that doesn’t happen, the journey still matters. We all win when a child enters this world, no matter the circumstances of their arrival.
Using competitive language in the delivery room only serves to alienate mothers from one another. When one woman “nails” her natural birth, it implies that another has not succeeded. What about those who face complications, have medical interventions, or experience labor in ways that challenge them deeply?
Take my experience, for example. I was transferred from a birthing center to a hospital because I was in so much pain. The midwife had dismissed my husband’s concerns, but in reality, I was too exhausted and ill to handle it. Upon arrival at the hospital, I was found to be severely dehydrated from vomiting and needed medical intervention. I received an epidural and finally got some much-needed rest. After three hours of pushing, I delivered a healthy baby boy who certainly made his entrance in a dramatic way. It was a tumultuous experience, but also profoundly beautiful.
Did I “nail” childbirth? I refuse to believe my experience was less valid than a woman who has a traditional natural birth. Each mother faces her own unique challenges, and no one should feel inferior for their choices or circumstances.
Labor is a grueling journey, and when we start framing it as a competition, all mothers lose. Let’s keep the “mommy wars” out of the delivery room.
Instead of saying someone “nailed” their birth, let’s celebrate the effort and experience. Say they had a magical birth or did a fantastic job. Acknowledge that they brought a baby into the world. Remember, there are no medals for opting out of pain relief.
Let’s drop the notion of “crushing” childbirth. You can only give your best to the experience and let your body take its course. That might include a C-section or an unmedicated birth in a tranquil setting. In the end, every experience is equally valid and worthy of respect.
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Summary
Childbirth is not a competition. It’s a personal journey where every woman’s experience is valid, regardless of the circumstances. Let’s celebrate the effort rather than frame it as a contest. The goal is a healthy baby, and every path to that goal deserves respect.
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