Parenting Insights
By Sarah Thompson
Updated: Aug. 6, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 30, 2016
You know the type — perhaps you’ve been that mom yourself. At the playground, library story hour, or even at the grocery store, you spot another toddler around the same age as your child. You watch intently, eavesdropping on their chatter, wondering if they’ve started verbalizing yet. You mentally tally up the words you can hear and then engage in conversation with the other parent, subtly guiding the discussion toward the ages of your children. Deep down, you hope their child is much older than yours — your child, who remains silent.
The truth is, many toddlers in this age group are already babbling away. And each time I witness this, it serves as a stark reminder that my little one is still quiet.
That’s my reality. I have a spirited 23-month-old daughter, Lily, who is bursting with curiosity and love. We live in a small town with a population of just 1,000, so our social interactions mostly happen at church, the park, or the local library. Recently, during a visit to Grandma’s, our surroundings were filled with toddlers, and I found myself hyper-aware of their words.
At the playground, they shouted “Look at me! Slide! Swing!” During story time, they eagerly responded to the librarian’s questions about colorful illustrations. On our walk, I heard them exclaiming, “Water!” while at the children’s museum, I saw them proudly declare, “Mine!” And with every word spoken, I felt the silence of my child grow louder.
My own mother has always reminded me that babies and toddlers don’t follow parenting books or developmental timelines. They progress at their own pace. For instance, Lily didn’t crawl until she was one year old, which felt like an eternity, especially when friends shared videos of their babies zooming around.
Now, the absence of her words feels more personal. I start to blame myself — should I have read to her more frequently at night? Should I have introduced sign language earlier? Should I have signed her up for more toddler classes or spent additional time talking with her? This cycle of self-doubt continues until I forget to truly see my daughter, to be present and appreciate her for who she is right now.
In my fixation on her lack of speech, I’ve overlooked the remarkable things she’s already doing. Instead of focusing on what she isn’t saying, I need to cherish the unique gifts she offers daily.
It’s a challenge, I won’t deny that. I long to hear her say “Mama.” I want to understand her world through her voice and perspective. Yet, even in silence, there’s so much to witness. I see her tenderly embracing our dog. Each morning, she reaches for her favorite books with enthusiasm. I watch her flip through pages, laughing at the images. I see her running towards the books during story time with eager hands raised, or approaching another toddler to offer a hug. I notice her folding her hands in prayer when we say, “Let’s pray.” I see her darting towards the watering can when it’s time to tend the garden, or leading me to the cherry tomato plants outside to enjoy a fresh snack. I hear her cheering for her dad as he leads worship on Sunday mornings. I see her wave at passing cars and people, and pick up leaves or sticks to inspect them closely. And I feel her small frame wrapped around me in a loving embrace.
I see so much.
When I shift my focus away from what she’s not doing, I open my eyes to the wonder of what she is accomplishing. Each day, I discover a precious gift full of curiosity and joy.
I still find myself wondering about the ages of other toddlers. I still listen with longing to their vocalizations, eagerly awaiting the day Lily finds her voice. But until that moment arrives, I will continue to look at her and truly see her.
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Summary
Being the mom of a toddler who isn’t verbal yet can be a challenging journey filled with self-doubt and comparisons. Instead of fixating on what your child cannot do, it’s essential to appreciate the beautiful moments and milestones they achieve daily. By focusing on their unique strengths and the joy they bring, you can cultivate a deeper bond and understanding of your child as they grow.
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